Night Train || cth

f i f t e e n

Every year on this date precisely I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces and I struggle to breath correctly. I feel the pain that I felt when Luke and I broke up, but its intensity is a thousand times worse.

My world begins to dissolve and slowly swallows me whole. I become a zombie and lose focus on who and what is around me. I muddle through the day the best I can, but no matter what I do I always break down at some point. It's bound to happen and I can't avoid the inevitable.

I begged my parents to allow me to miss school just this one time, but to no avail they refused. In the years prior, they were kind enough to let me stay home, but as the years pass they assume that I'm capable of keeping myself in one piece.

Unfortunately, their assumptions are proved wrong because no matter how much time passes I will never, ever be able to not feel pain on this day.

I know that they feel the same pain that I do as does Noah, but unlike me they're able to not let it affect them. I'm not saying that they let it slide completely as if they've forgotten about it, but they have some secret power that I don't have; the power to be strong.

So, against my will I followed my parents wishes and attended school today. I put in as little effort as possible by wearing minimal makeup and wearing sweats and my favorite ATL hoodie.

As I've always done I muddled through the day with as little interaction that I could manage. I talked to my friends but I wasn't the charismatic social butterfly that I normally am. My closest friends understand why I act the way that I do on this date, but others are clueless.

When I arrived home there was nobody else there, so I laid my bag by the stairs and immediately flopped onto the couch. Since nobody was around to hear me I decided to let out the tears I've been holding in all day long.

I clutched the nearest pillow to my chest and hugged my knees into the pillow; I became a human form of an armadillo. As the tears kept streaming down my face I heard a light knock on the front door.

I unraveled myself from my infant like position and slowly maneuvered my way to the door. I looked through the peephole since I was home alone and cautious about who was on the other side.

As I looked through the little window to the outside world I laid my eyes upon Calum. I quickly wiped my face to rid of the tears before I opened the door to reveal him standing there with his hands in his jean pockets and a worrisome expression etched across his face.

"Cal, what are you doing here? How do you know where I live?" I asked, remembering that I've never once told him where my house was.

"Um, Claire told me where you lived. I hope that's okay." His tone was gentle and somewhat nervous.

"Yeah it's alright, but why are you here?"

"I, uh, was worried about you and um wanted to make sure you were..erm, okay." He stumbled over his words as he rocked back and forth on his heels.

"I'm fine Cal. Thanks for checking up on me." I started to close the door, but he stuck his foot in between it and the frame. I didn't mean to be rude, but I really needed to be alone right now.

I left the door in the current position; almost closed with his foot stil wedged in it. I let out a deep breath before opening it completely.

"Cal, really I'm okay. I promise."

"I'm sorry Taylor, but I don't believe you."

"I know you want to help, and I really appreciate that but I need you to go."

"You may think that you don't want help, but I know you need some. So, please Tay just let me come in." He started to give that damn pouty face with the puppy dog eyes, and I couldn't say no to him.