disappeared. wowkwan

ii

2007년 8월 5일

august 5, 2007

     come back seyoon.

   come to my arms, and hold me tight like you did back in summer camp.

    the time the rain was pouring hard, and i crawled into your bunk and slept with you. you held onto me, and whispered to me that it would be okay and the storm will pass soon.

      a kid, named taehyung i think, teased you about it, but you tried to defend yourself. it didn't work, but you didn't care.

     and every night after that, you would be free to let me just crawl into your bed and you would happily sleep with me.

    but that was when i was 5, and you were 8. but i don't care.

   come back.

   please.

   ...

    the ink does smudge when tears come in contact with the paper.

   along with the perfectly drawn blue lines.

    -byeongkwan

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

    byeongkwan closes the small journal, the black, hardcover book use to be for his math work, and was now for his feelings. he still is able to see the faint marks of where his multiplication was written in pencil, but has been erased.

    byeongkwan wipes his cheeks dry, only to feel more tears rush down onto them to moisten them. he misses seyoon a lot, even if it has only been a day without him.

   they were bestest of friends.

    if only his stupid heart wouldn't get the best of him. he tries to look at the brighter side of this situation, but all byeongkwan's mind can bring up is the fact seyoon is gone from seoul, and there was no way a 12 year old could go visit him without the escort of his eomma.

     byeongkwan leans back in his chair, and sighs dramatically. he feels like dying on so many levels. his heart his aching, and his head hurts.

   he didn't want to go to school tomorrow. he didn't want to go back ever. he didn't want to be here, he wanted to be with seyoon down in jeolla-do.

he wanted to die.

    a sob leaves byeongkwan's lips, his arms goes to cover his crying eyes. a few sobs leave his mouth, along with some hiccups. this continues to happens until byeongkwan starts to bawl his eyes out.

    he resisted the urge to scream and yell, and punch the walls, and sob loudly, because he didn't want his eomma to come into his room and as what was wrong with him for screaming. he didn't want to have to explain he had a crush on his best friend, who was 3 years older than him, moved to jeolla-do, and was the same sex as him.

   byeongkwan knows he could call seyoon over the phone, but he doesn't have his own personal cellular device. he has the house phone that came with his family's house since the day they bought the place. but byeongkwan feels his eomma would become suspicious if he called seyoon each day and every hour. also, seyoon might get tired of him, calling everyday to check up on the lad.

   byeongkwan wipes his tears and stops his quiet sobs, slowly shaking his head. seyoon would never get tired to him.

   at least he hopes.

     byeongkwan rushes to pick up his black sharpie again, and flipped open the journal quickly turns to the next blank page inside, seeing a small multiplication problem written in the top right corner of the page he didn't bother to erase.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

2007년 8월 5일

august 5, 2007

    i know i've written today already, but my feelings are aching again.

    i need someone to talk to. i need seyoon. i need anyone, but my brother or my eomma. both will think i'm clingy, and the fact i have a crush on someone older than me by 3 years isn't going to help that.

...

    i want -

    "hey, byeongkwan," the door is flung open, and hyung pops his head into the room. "dinner is ready. eomma and i are waiting for you."

    "oh, i didn't hear you guys calling," byeongkwan quickly pulls his jacket sleeve up over his palm and pretends to wipe something off his face, when really he was trying to soak up any excess tears. "i'm coming."

    hyung nods, and walks away, pulling the door with him until it is left opened ajar.

    byeongkwan caps his sharpie, and quickly shuts his journal. he takes both items and tosses them onto his bed. he pulls the comforter over both of the items so they were hidden while they weren't in his sight.

    byeongkwan walks out of his room and downstairs to the dining room, seeing his eomma and his hyung waiting for him. he inhales slowly, and exhales through his mouth unnoticably. he sits next to his hyung, and the three begin to eat, byeongkwan's mind away from the fact seyoon was still in jeolla-do for the next 4 years, and enjoyed the family time.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

:^))

- jin