disappeared. wowkwan

iii

2007년8월8일

august 8, 2007

     sorry to forget to write. i've been busy with school.

      and crying about seyoon.

      not full on sobbing, that's good. i think i'm adjusting to him leaving. i mean, i can just find more friends.

      what the hell am i talking about?

     ...

     (eomma, if you find this and see i sweared, please don't kick me)

     ...

      byeongkwan feels wet tears trailing down his face again for the second time tonight. he was lucky it was midnight, and his eomma and hyung were asleep. he sighs loudly, feeling as if writing his feelings was too much to do right now.

     he caps his sharpie and tosses it back onto the desk, and proceeds to flip his journal shut.

     he wants to be able to hear seyoon's voice once. he wished he never did leave seoul for jeolla-do, he wishes he could-

     the idea hit him instantly. he could call seyoon now.

     but would seyoon answer? and did byeongkwan remember seyoon's number?

     byeongkwan shrugs and wipes his cheeks off. he quickly pushes his chair out and stands up quietly, but in a hurry. he dashes with quiet footsteps out of his door, and quickly dashes down the hall and over the stairs, into the living room of their shared home.

     byeongkwan quietly tiptoes, seeing the phone in his sight, only a walkways away. he wanted to stay quiet for his eomma and hyung were asleep upstairs and he could easily awake them.

     byeongkwan walks past the framed photo of his appa hanging on the wall, and byeongkwan couldn't help but look at it for a second and stop.

     he had the same brown hair as byeongkwan, and the same dark eyes. he looks like an older version of byeongkwan, as his eomma quotes, but with a little more stubble than she believes byeongkwan would ever have.

     it seems though that byeongkwan's appa didn't live long enough to see byeongkwan grown to look like his clone or twin. a lump starts to form in byeongkwan's throat.

    byeongkwan turns away from the picture. he's done enough crying about a boy he likes, he shouldn't start about his appa. it's only be 2 years since the incident, and byeongkwan shouldn't let it get the best of him right now.

     byeongkwan eyes the phone, and remembers his mission. he looks over his shoulder to the front door, and to the staircase before he continues to lightly run to the phone quickly. 

     byeongkwan almosts tumbles onto his face when he makes it to the phone. he looks at the red house phone with wide eyes before taking the phone into his hand.

      he is able to hear the faint beeping of the phone, not loud enough to annoy or awake anyone in the house that wasn't awake to begin with.

     now the hard part of this, remember the number of seyoon.

     byeongkwan sits on the carpet floor near the house phone on the wall, the phone cord able to stretch down long enough to be on the floor with him.

     byeongkwan remembers the area code of the phone number, he obviously does because seyoon use to live in the same area as him and has a phone. (duh)

      byeongkwan pushes in the area code, hearing the faint "beep, beep" coming from the phone at two different pitches when he presses the buttons. byeongkwan bit his lip and thought hard to remember the rest.

     after five good minutes of thinking, nothing could come to byeongkwan's mind besides 02 xxx and the rest was a blur.

     byeongkwan sighs. he pushes himself up onto his feet, and places the phone back into the slot where it is held. he quietly walks back to his room, passing the same photo of his appa, but ignoring it.

     once he is up the stairs, he quickly walks into his room, and shuts the door quickly. he felt like crying again, a lump in his throat forming.

     kang yoochan was right, he was a crybaby. the constant teasing from yoochan was all the truth, and byeongkwan only let it happen.

     byeongkwan flops onto his bed, and rolls himself in his comforter. he sighs dramatically, and feels his eyes begin to water and his eyelids become heavy.

     byeongkwan rests his head, feeling a few loose tears trail down his cheeks and one over the bridge of his nose. he closes his eyes, and quietly sighs. the light of the lamp still shines in his eyes, but he couldn't sleep in the dark without a light. his eomma says it is childish and refuses to get him a nightlight so he doesn't waste so much power using his lamp as one.

     it is soon after a few seconds and a few more loose tears that byeongkwan falls asleep, warmly wrapped in his comforter, but a complete broken mess over a boy still 3 years older than him, and moved to another city in south korea.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

so

yeah

-jin