disappeared. wowkwan

say the name 17 xvii

whoops, wrong fandom.

  ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

 2007년 8윌 21일

august 21, 2007

     i feel as if i messed up. i don't think seyoon likes me anymore.

    i went back to the entry i wrote about seyoon liking me, and crossed the whole page out. i crossed it out till the whole page was filled with black sharpie ink.

   byeongkwan sighs, not wanting to write anymore.

   the same emotion of guilt and sadness boiled inside him along with a shake of anger, but the anger was barely able to be noticed. as if his emotions were some broth or a cocktail.

     he slams his hands into the desk, feeling his sharpie fly from his hand and onto the white desk. he opens his palm, black ink seeping down his pale, bare palm. the sharpie had snapped due to the excessive force applied to the thick plastic.

    byeongkwan clamps his hand back together, feeling the syrupy ink leak from the openings between his fingers. the black ink drips onto the table, but byeongkwan didn't care at this point.

   his room was a pigsty, and he had skipped school for the past week. his eomma tried hard to get him ready and out the door, but it was hard trying to do so, along with managing her job and another son, who has other things to attend to as well, so she let the thirteen-year old stay home for this week only. then it was back to that hellhole with yoochan teasing him, that weird kid named changkyun constantly staring at him, and jihoon and youngjae, the only real friends he felt he had at the moment.

    he knew he was probably missing out on a lot of homework he would have to make up to keep his grades up, but if his eomma let him stay from school for the rest of the week because she didn't want to keep playing tug-a-war with the boy, then she must've not cared enough about his grades either.

   byeongkwan taps his fingers against the desk, slumping further into his chair. he didn't realise being home alone would be so boring after a few hours after waking up. there was barely anything to do.

   byeongkwan picks up his leather journal with his left hand, the hand free of sticky ink. he stands up from his chair and walks to put his journal away on his bookshelf to blend in with the other books he owned. until something softly drops from the journal and onto the floor, barely anything sound is made when it does.

    byeongkwan continues to the shelf, unaware. he was somewhat unawake, the world around him only like a haze. he shoves the journal onto his shelf, hearing the books clatter and fall to the ground once he realises he shoved the journal into the books carelessly, pushing some books off and onto the floor.

    he didn't bother picking them up.

    he turns away and sees the small item that fluttered to the floor softly. then he feels the sting. that spicy sting of anger on his tongue, and on his hands, and now in his eyes. like you suddenly taste the anger of this cocktail, burning your tongue, mouth, and skin in rage.

     the same polaroid of seyoon byeongkwan got for his birthday lays on the floor, a foot away from him. seeing the photo again sparks some rage inside of him he didn't know he had felt before.

    byeongkwan dives for the photo, laying on the ground and gazing over the photo, sleek and shining in the light. he smiled for a split second, before taking two hands, and easily tearing through the sleek photo.

   it feels like a weight is lifted off byeongkwan's chest, and he's able to breathe properly again. he inhales deeply, and his light widens a bit more.

   he continues to tear through the picture until the picture could no longer be ripped. until the polaroid was tiny pieces on the floor. when byeongkwan sits up, and gazes over the small teared pieces, and throws them into the air.

    he needed to forget seyoon. feeling this deep down sorrow about him was just going to keep him down.

     he needed to live without him, as if he disappeared from existence.

  ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

ayo ayo

sevENTEEN-

ahem.

hi.

i haven't died

life suddenly just got busier.

:>>

yeh

so

i wanted to update

buh bye

-jin

[semi-edited, i only read through half of it lmao]