Definitely, Probably, Maybe

Chapter 13: Broken Boys and Hot Professors

Two weeks went by in a breeze. No unexpected run ins with Griffin, no midnight trips to the frat house.  My life was finally going back to normal.

I was in the enormous auditorium practicing for my audition for Eveyln. I felt that I could bring so much to her character. I also preferred Evelyn because this was my first college production and she was clearly safer than the homicidal sister.

Josephine had darkness that I couldn't divulge in at the moment. I know pathetic excuse.

I was beyond excited but anxiety began to run rapidly through my veins. I stared out to the auditorium. I imagined the thousands of faces that were to watch me. I had done community theater back when I was younger, this theater was definitely larger. At this moment it housed Ms. Blake Larson the director, the two casting directors, our Professor Evan Redmayne, Sterling along with a few other people.

Sterling...Griffin...

"Get it together, Sage. You're an actress for goodness sake."

We were told that agents and casting directors were to be in the audience, a month from now. As well as many other people who could lead to your big break.

My hands began to grow clammy. I was panicking. I needed to chill before I blew it.

What if I'm horrible? Gosh, I've wanted this dream for so long that I forgot how to truly handle rejection.

Stop! I ordered myself. If you don't get the part learn and move on.

There weren't even that many people who were watching, yet I felt the apprehension eating away at me.

I was scared of failure. When I set my mind on something, I latched on to it. It became my top priority. I became infatuated with it and if I lose it...it kills me. It eats me alive. It destroys me. Nevertheless, if I wanted to be a true actress I needed to retire that trait.

I've wanted this for as long as I could remember. The only advice I could give myself was. Don't blow it!

"Sage Phoenix." The casting director called. She was an asian woman with long dark brown hair that was in a pony tail and looked as if she was in her late thirties and I was panicking. 

Even so, it was time. I wiped my clammy palms against my light wash skinny jeans staring at my golden yellow pullover then at my caramel Uggs. I walked onto stage stopping on the X. 

Mr. Redmayne gave me a genuine smile. He was from England, aged 30. He was kind of handsome with his light green  eyes and short dark chocolate  hair along with his sweet smile. A great professor and above all he believed in me.

"Who are you here to audition for?"  

"I am here to audition for the role of Evelyn."

"Begin." The curly haired woman said.  After 4-5 minutes it was over.

"Thank you." I said then gave a small bow. To say the least I was  disappointed.  I had stuttered and was so tight in my movements it was if I was a statue.

"Thank you." The woman said evenly. I gave a nod then turned and walked off the stage resisting the urge to cry. I was a failure because of my own doing. Skylar saw the grief in my eyes and embraced me. She was dressed in a red pullover sweater, black jeans and red Converses.

"You were great." She clarified rubbing my back softly.

"You're lying." I muttered. "You'll be amazing." I added.

"Skylar Reese."

" I'm not lying. We'll talk about this after my audition." She stated smiling brightly and then she was off. Skylar had always been more confident than I was in her art.  She lost herself in her auditions and never messed up. She was auditioning for Evelyn as well. Apparently, Josephine was bit to dark for not only me.