blue ✓

forty

lola

"Here we are," Louis cuts the engine off before turning to me, a smile lingering as the sweet cologne he wore danced with the breeze through the car window. "Home."

And here home was–well it was home three years ago at least. When I was first in love and my skin was blemished with puberty, my body still portioned weird and my obsession with a certain "bad boy" type was immense.

I inhaled deeply, staring at the familiar farm house. The panels around the structure were still that faded lavender, messy gardens and green paddocks occupied the property and a few sheep and horses still lived inside.

Louis lived here when we first met, his grandfather owned the place and let him move here when his mother kicked him out for refusing to attend school. Louis grandfather picked him up, drove to the farm and enrolled Louis in my school the next day. He was the only person that never put up with his nonsense.

And that was the beginning of our story, we met a week later and instantly he made it his duty to have the innocent, awkward girl fall in love with him. How cliche we loved to be.

"My grandparents are out of town for a few days, so it's just us," Louis spoke and I felt somewhat relieved and saddened I wouldn't see them.

Even after everything that has happened, my time with Louis would always force memories and feelings to linger inside my soul. It was strange that even now he impacted me so greatly, the people in his life and the memories we shared together.

I guess your first love really never does die.

"Do you remember," Louis cuts my train of thought. "Your seventeenth birthday was here, and you got so drunk on granddads tequila you couldn't even stand up," I cringed at the thought, but laughed along with him. "And I had to carry you out to the porch, so you wouldn't vomit anywhere inside and get me in trouble."

"Yeah." I chuckle. "And you told me you loved me."

Louis' eyes seem to glimmer with the afternoon skies above, a sly smirk laced his lips as his head turned towards me. "Yeah, I told you I loved you and you cried."

I let out an annoyed noise. "I did not cry." The denial makes Louis laugh even more.

We are left in silence as the car radio plays softly in the background, one of Louis rock ballads hummed in my mind, reminding me of a time I was happy. After I turned seventeen everything got darker, my mental health strained with the stress of school and home. I barely saw Louis at that point, his pursuit in music began and he was already a local star, performing in pubs and clubs every weekend. It was summer break when I first attended a show, he got so drunk though he barely even recognized me at first, too interested in the blonde girl that followed him around like a shadow. I still supported him throughout the night though, and when their gig ended I went looking for him behind the club to praise his performance, but ultimately found him kissing the blonde girl.

Something in me broke that moment. It was all a blur, but that feeling inside my stomach rung through my bloodstream and made my face and body go cold, I ran away and cried so hard I thought I'd stop breathing from the uncontrolled sobs escaping my lungs.

Louis tried to talk to me, but ultimately it was his granddad that picked me up and dusted me off.

I called him and he drove all the way into town to get me, he left Louis behind and took me here where I went into the paddock near the old duck pond, and I screamed. I yelled to the stars in the sky, I yelled to the universe to heal my broken heart and I cried until I fell to the ground. It was therapeutic, but for weeks I would be so broken and faded from the wound inside my soul trying to heal.