Ambiguous (A Shameron Fanfic)

Chapter 16: News

Do you ever have those days where you don't want to do anything? You wake up, yawn for a few seconds and then say fuck this. Well that was basically how my day started. I've been laying in bed here for about an hour now and it's been absolutely amazing.

Just like Cameron with his rock, I've found my place to think; my place to be 100% me where no one else can bother me. That place is my bed. I've realized that when I fight with my parents or I've had a tough day at school or if all the thoughts in my head just start to feel like too much I go to my bed. Being here actually calms me down. I can kick back, lay in my briefs, listen to music, and think. Different songs play in my head, each one perfectly matching my mood: deep thought.

I've been thinking a lot lately about one thing in particular; Cameron. What if this whole time I haven't actually been gay and it's just been that I was looking for another friend. I just wanted to make another friend and since I've never had other friends besides Nash and Ash, I confused it for liking him. I know I'm not gay. Screw that. So what if girls don't exactly get me hard, maybe I just haven't matured enough to feel like that for a girl yet. Cameron is just someone I like being around. I hear my phone vibrate on my dresser. I don't care who it is. This is my time. I do reach over turning my music up louder.

Why do I have to think like this? Why can't I just like girls like I'm supposed? I hear my phone vibrate again. I flip it over, my phone illuminating and showing that I have two unopened text messages. I click on my notifications, my phone showing me two messages from Cameron. Screw him. He'll be just fine. I'll be just fine. In fact I don't need anybody right now. Because I'm not sad. I'm not gay. And I'm not gonna think about Cameron anymore. I hear three knocks on my door. "Come in." I say aloud, my voice sounding scratchy, probably from all the crying earlier. My mom appears in my now opened doorway.

"Are you ok sweety?" she asks, taking in my physical appearance. After seeing her face when she looked at me, I look at myself and realize I look a little sad. I straighten my back, opening my eyes a little more and lifting my face as I go to speak.

"Perfect." I say smiling, lying straight through my teeth.

"Well I need to talk to you about something." she says softly, moving closer to my bed. I couldn't tell if her voice held regret or sadness. "Your father might be coming home tonight with some news." she says, not hinting at if the news is good or bad. Judging by her actions and tone, the news might not be so well. He doesn't have cancer does he? He isn't sick?

"Is he gonna be ok?" I ask, my heart racing. My mom smiles, clearly realizing something.

"It's not about his health Shawn." she says laughing. "Your dad isn't sick." I let out a deep breath. Shew.

"Well then what's the news about?" I ask curiously.

"Well unfortunately your dad's factory might be closing down and if it does--" I stop listening. Great my dad is gonna get fired.

"So when's he get let off?" I ask very bluntly. Her face shows surprise at my question.

"Well that's the thing Shawn. If they close your father has been offered the position at a different factory." My heart gains speed as she talks.

"Where at?" I ask. She better say like the next town over or something.

"Northbridge, South Dakota." she says, pushing her lips to the side of her face. Shit. A whole state away.

"So we might be moving?" I ask her, not knowing if I should be happy or freak out. I'll finally get to get away from Cameron. But could I handle that? What about Nash and Ash?

"Yes Shawn." she says, moving closer and rubbing my knee with her hand. "Are you ok?" she asks me. "I know this has gotta be hard for you. You're in your junior year. All your friends are here."

"I'll be fine." I say, looking through her. "When will we know if we're leaving?" I ask her.

"Sometime in the next couple of weeks." she says.

"Is Aunt Jillian still coming over tonight?" I ask, trying to change the subject. My Aunt Jillian lived in the next town over.

"Yah she's still coming." My mom says smiling, realizing I don't wanna talk about it anymore. "I'm gonna go make sure supper is ready." she says standing up.

"I'll be in here." I say smiling. As soon as she shuts my door I pull out my phone and call Nash.

*****

It's been three days since my mom first told me about my dad's news. He didn't come home that night with any information. Or the night after that. Or the night after that. I haven't really talked to Cameron that much in the past few days, it just feels different to text him. "So you seriously haven't told Cameron?" Ashely asks me as we're walking to our lockers.

"No. I don't see a point in it. We're not even that close anymore." I say, my heart dropping in my chest. I don't want it to be true but it pretty much is. He made it clear to me that he's not gay. And he was kinda a dick about it. I'm not mad at him because he isn't gay, well maybe a little bit, but I'm mad at how he treated me. Although he didn't really know I was gay so I guess he didn't know he was being a dick. I don't know. This is all just so fucking dumb and confusing. If I liked Cameron why didn't I just tell him. Why did I feel so pressured out of what I was feeling? It's not fair.

"You have to tell him." Ash says. "Seriously Shawn. He's gonna be devastated."

"He's not gonna give two shits." I say, shutting my locker. I got all my books while we were talking.

"Shawn I'm telling you. I don't know why you think Cameron hates you. You're like his best friend." I laugh at her statement.

"You're funny." I say. I go to walk to class.

"If you don't tell him by the end of the day then I will." she says smiling snarky.

"Shut up Ash." I say as she disappears behind me. She won't tell him. I guess I should figure out when I'm gonna tell him. Maybe the day I leave. Sounds like a great day to me.