Ambiguous (A Shameron Fanfic)

Chapter 23: First Date, Kinda Nervous

River^^^

We stand in line waiting at the concessions quietly. The sound of everyone else talking, popcorn being popped, and moving feet fill my ears. I stand next to River. This is the theatre I met Cameron at so as you can imagine it's difficult to not think about him. That first time seeing him was breathtaking. But I don't wanna focus on him. I wanna focus on the hot stud standing right next to me. I look over at him and smile, then look away down at the floor when he looks over at me. I don't know how to act on a date. He moves over closer to me.

Before we were standing with just enough space between us so that people could tell we were here together but not that we were together. What I mean is we looked like two friends but now he's gotten intimately close to me. I feel his right hand move behind mine. His fingers stretch out to intertwine with mine. I quickly pull my hand forwards and look over at him in shock. I look all around us to see if anyone almost saw that. Why am I acting so paranoid? "What's wrong Shawn?" he asks me, leaning over by my ear so only I could hear him. His smooth voice in my ear.

"Nothing." I say, trying to brush that incidence off. I fell bad now for pulling my hand away from him.

"Then why won't you let me hold your hand?" he asks me. Because what if people see us. I mean it's not bad it's just I've never done that before in front of people. What if someone says something?

"I don't know." I say, pulling my hand close to mine own body.

"You're not embarrassed are you?" he asks softly. I look over at him. I'm not embarrassed. Am I?

"No." I say trying to sound truthful. I can't actually be embarrassed.

"You're a bad liar Shawn Mendes." he says smiling. He looks kind of hurt now. No! I don't wanna hurt him. I don't wanna be ashamed. I feel my heart start to race. River is looking away from me towards the the entrance where people are coming in to get in line. I reach my hand out and grab ahold of his. My eyes are tightly shut. I don't know why. Am I waiting for the world to explode now? I open one eye, looking around. Everyone is still involved in their own conversations, keeping to themselves. I open my other eye hesitantly and look around at the people around us. Nothing has changed.

"No one cares Shawn." he says in my ear. "It doesn't matter to other people if you're gay or straight."

"It does to my family." I say. At this response he holds tighter to my hand.

"Let's not think about them then." I feel his thumb rub against the back of my hand. "Tonight Shawn I want you to let loose of all those people in your life who don't like who you actually are. Tonight you have me." He gets closer to my ear. "And I like what I see." He softly bites on my ear lobe and then resumes his previous position just standing beside me. I felt the muscles in my body contract at his touch. This boy is truly incredible. I look down at our hands. I can't believe that I'm actually holding hands with another guy; and we're in public!

*****

We walk away from the counter with our food in our hands. We stopped at Chipotle after the movie. "You're so weird." he says laughing at my food.

"No I'm not." I say laughing in return. I like the food I ordered. There's nothing wrong with just a tortilla with salsa and chicken and cheese in it.

"Uh huh." he says as I sit down at a table. He sits in the chair right next to me. He's really not afraid to just express his interest in me.

"So tell me about yourself." I say, taking a bite of my burrito.

"Well I'll be 19 in a couple of days." he says taking a bite of his food.

"No way I'll be 17 in a few days." I say.

"My birthday is December 7th." he says.

"Mines December 3rd." We sit there and eat our food, River making me laugh occasionally. It feels good to laugh again. After about 20 minutes we finish eating.

"So what do you wanna do now?" he asks as we're walking out of chipotle.

"I don't know." I say. "Whatever you wanna do." I say honestly not being able to think of anything.

"There's something that comes to mind." he says, getting closer to me and pinning up against the wall. We had walked a few feet from Chipotle and were now standing by the building. His hands make their way around my hips.

"You're very expressive." I say, smiling and looking at his cute face. He really is cute.

"Well 17 years in the closet can make you wanna be expressive." he says, tickling me.

"Stop." I say laughing. I don't know what else to do but pull him closer to me, laughter erupting from my mouth.

"Fine." he says after a few seconds. I stand there for a second just looking at his face. I move closer, connecting our lips. He tastes good.

"You like that?" he asks, resting his forehead on mine. It was such a short kiss. It makes me want more. I connect our lips again, both of my hands finding the sides of his face. This kiss was more passionate and involved a bit more force. I rest my forehead against his after a couple of seconds.

"I've had fun tonight." I say, smiling and speaking truthfully.

"Me too." he says smiling in return.

"I wanna get to know you more though." I say, grabbing ahold of his hand and walking down the street. His car is a block or two down.

"What do you wanna know?" he asks.

"Anything." I say smiling. We are swinging our intertwined hands back and forth as we walk.

"Well I am originally from New York." he says. "I moved here when I was 12 after my parents got divorced."

"I'm sorry." I say. I hope I don't bring up any bad memories.

"Don't be." he says laughing and opening his eyes really big. "When they were together all they did was argue. Their divorce was a peaceful solution to everything."

"I couldn't imagine my parents being divorced." I say honestly. They've always seemed to be in love and I couldn't imagine seeing them apart.

"So why haven't you told them that you're gay?" he asks.

"It's complicated." I say. I'm sure he has no idea.

"Let me guess. They're religious Christians who might just kill you if you ever came out as gay." How'd he know? "Oh and let me guess some more. You wanna tell your best friends who you really are but they don't accept gay people either." How's he know all of this? "Oh and I almost forgot the most important piece. You fell for some guy who was putting off all these signals that made you think he was gay but he's had a bitchy girlfriend the whole time and you realize he's actually straight. That sound about right?" I am honestly shocked.

"How'd you know all of that?" I ask shocked and confused. He's summed up my entire life in a mere couple sentences.

"I've seen this story a thousand time's over Shawn. This is like literally every gay guy. It's what we do. We start off falling for straight guys and then beating ourselves up over the fact that they don't like us back. It really is horrible. That's why I'm glad I've sworn off straight men." He pushes me up against his car. "I only wanna be with gay guys." He pecks my lips. "That way the chance of heart break is much less." He unlocks the car and walks around to his side to get in. Maybe my life isn't as complicated as I thought it was. Maybe I'm not the only person that faces the struggles I have.