What does Cameron mean? Is something wrong with him? Am I seriously moving? Like is this actually happening? All of these questions and many more race through my mind. I get back in my car. But wait I have school right now. But Cameron needs me. I know I've been mad at Cameron lately but I can't just leave him hanging. I have to go to him.
I shut the door and buckle myself in. After I put the car in reverse I pull out of the parking lot. I'd tell Nash or Ash where I'm going but they're both being ass hats today. I wonder what Cameron needs to tell me? My heart beats faster as I wonder what it's about. What if he's realized he likes me? What if he's having me drive there so he can confess his love to me? I know I'm not gay. But if he was, boy would that change things. No it wouldn't. Yes it would. No it wouldn't. Yes it would! I can't keep doing this. I don't know what the hell I am! Ok?! Was that so hard to think Shawn?!?! Huh!! Fuck!
I stop thinking and focus on my driving. Every time I think about this damn boy I get into a mental argument with myself. Maybe it isn't a good idea to go and see him. Considering the news I just got, maybe I should go and talk with my mom. Should I tell Cameron that I'm moving? Fuck now I'm thinking about him again.
*****
The trees look naked as leaves tumble across the autumn ground. Today isn't terribly cold but warm definitely can't be used for describing it. I pull my car into a parking spot right next to Cameron's car. When I see it my heart starts to beat faster. The park looks beautiful.
I'm actually here and this is actually happening. This small nature park is one of the first places I spent with Cameron alone. Stop stressing dude. After I step out of the car I open the back door and grab my jacket. It's a bit chili. I lock my doors and move my legs until I'm standing at the head of the trail. Breath in, breath out. One foot after the other, I continue down the trail.
After a few minutes I come to the small opening in the brush and make my way out to see the lake and beach. I walk down the beach until eventually the very large rock Cameron has mentally reserved for himself, setting against the cool sand, comes into view. I continue to walk closer and soon I see that the side of Cameron's face is visible along with the red hoodie and blue jeans he is wearing. One of his legs kicks forward and then falls back, resting against the rock, the other leg then assuming the task the previous one had just performed. His hands are hidden inside his hoodie's pockets and his neck is bent, his face looking down. For a lack of better words Cameron is in deep thought. He is looking out towards the lake. I get closer to the rock and he still hasn't noticed me.
I clear my throat loudly, his head instantly turning to look at me. I climb up the rock, eventually reaching the top. The last time I was here with him was also the first time I was here. We talked about Sarah and life. That was before things got weird between him and I. I miss those days. When we could just hang out and there would be no awkward tension.
"Shawn." he says, bringing me out of my thoughts. He's standing now facing me.
"Hey." I say. That's how you start a conversation right?
"How have you been?" he asks, still standing there.
"Good." I say. I guess it's not technically a lie. My life's definitely been better but it's not horrible. A few seconds pass bye in awkward silence. "So what'd you want to talk about?" I ask. I move up to the edge of the rock and sit down, dangling my legs off like he was before. He joins me in session.
"I've missed you man." I look over at him quickly.
"You made me skip school to drive here in a hurry because you missed me?" I ask angrily. While flattered, that really pisses me off if this is actually the only reason I'm here.
"Chill bro." he says laughing and hitting my shoulder. "There's an actual reason." he says eventually.
"Well what is it?" I ask, calming down. Should I tell him about my moving?
"It's Sarah." he breathes out, partially rolling his eyes. I really don't wanna here about this bitch.
"What's wrong with her this time?" I ask annoyed already. He looks at me sympathetically.
"It's nothing. Forget about it." he says, getting up. He walks back to the other side of the rock starting to climb down. What the fuck.
"Cameron!" I yell. I stand up watching him as he's walking away. I must say his ass fills out those jeans pretty nicely. "Cameron!" I yell again louder. "Come on dude!" I climb down the rock and start running in the sand to catch up to him. I finally do and grab his shoulder. He pushes out of my hand and continues walking. "Why are you being like this?" I yell at him.
"Why are you being such a cock?" he says, turning around. I run into his body. "Eh." he says opening his mouth. He must think I ran into him on purpose. He shoves me.
"What the fuck?" I say, shoving him back.
"You hit me!" he yells shoving me again.
"I did it on accident." I say shoving him again. I must have used more force than I intended because he didn't come back to shove me this time. Instead his body went flying backwards into the sand. I stand there astounded by my actions. Guilt instantly fills my body, my anger flushing away. "I didn't mean to push you down." I say, getting closer and bending over to help him up. I extend by right hand out to him, to help him up. Suddenly a smirk paints itself across his face and instead of me allowing me to pull him up I feel his strength pull my arm and I go flying into the sand beside him. He rolls over on top of me pushing my arms above me. I drop my mouth in shock and push his arms away rolling us again so that I'm on top of him.
"Fuck you." he yells, rolling us over again.
"Fuck you!" I yell, rolling us yet again. Once again he overpowers me and rolls us over again.
"Why have you been such I dick to me lately!?" he screams. "We went from being strangers to best friends to you don't even wanna talk to me anymore? What did I do!?" He's breathing heavy and his eyes scan my face looking for a sign of something, anything. I don't let him see my emotions though. His eyes connect with mine. I close my opened mouth and slowly breathe out. I must say, this boy is freaking adorable, but I can't let him know that I think that. But the way his hair parts, his bangs in all different directions is just so gorgeous. His mouth holds slightly open as he's taking heavy breaths. His lips are plump and a little chapped. I focus again, keeping my face straight. I don't know what to say. He moves his face indicating me to answer.
"I've just got stuff going on ok?" I say. "Shit goes on in my life and I have no one to talk to about them. I'm tired of feeling alone." I say truthfully. My heart is beating extremely fast now. "And you've been a dick to me!" I yell.
"Why can't you tell me?" he asks, still scanning my face. I now realize that his body is on top of mine. His crotch is up against mine. If I don't get out from under him soon I'm gonna get a hard on. It feels so nice to have him so close.
"Because you wouldn't understand." I say, realizing the truth of the matter: I really like Cameron. My insides twitch, realizing how much I really want him.
"Try me." he says, looking into my eyes again. I watch him bite his lower lip. I don't know what comes over me. In one second I'm looking at Cameron's face. And in the next my lips are touching his and my hands are wrapped around his head. For the first time in my life my lips are touching somebody else's. I realize I have no idea what I'm doing and our lips are just kinda pushed together. I feel his grip release on my arms. His face pulls away and he pushes up off of me. "What the fuck?" he yells. My heart drops in my chest. He looks at me like I'm the incarnation of his scariest nightmare.
"I didn't mean to." I stutter out. My heart is beating dangerously fast.
"I have to go." he says. He scans my body up and down and walks away. I lay back down in the sand. I feel the tears start to pour down my face. The look he gave me after he realized what happened burns itself into my mind. I've never seen anyone look so scared of me in my entire life. What the fuck did I just do?
YOU ARE READING
Ambiguous (A Shameron Fanfic)
Romance"Why are you crying?" she finally asks. "I don't know." I say truthfully, moving off her shoulder and drying my tears with my hands. "Are you ashamed of yourself?" she asks me, looking at me as if I were a poorly tied knot about to fall apart. "I...
