Ambiguous (A Shameron Fanfic)

Chapter 22: Things Have Changed

Thanksgiving came and went like every other year. A big gathering at my grandparents house is how we always celebrate. I just loved being in a house full of conservative Christians. Most of our dinner conversations were about how amazing Trump has been since he's been in office. I'm not saying I do or don't like Trump because honestly I don't know. I do know he's said some pretty mean things about people like me and that I'm not ok with. However I assume he's also done good things; how else could he have won President of the United States? Politics confuse me, because most of the time all I see is a horrible human being who says horrible things about another human being on television. Trump makes me uncomfortable and the way he talks to people is incredibly rude. His feeling and actions towards transgenders have been horrible. But I digress because I don't know a lot about him. I tend to just ignore politics whenever I can.

It was brought to my parents attention at dinner that they'd been slacking off in their attendance at church so today we went to church. We haven't been since I was like 12. We used to go almost every Sunday. I absolutely hated going there. I never really understood the concept of church. I understand God and Jesus, just not the church part. When I look at church all I see is people who dress up and put on smiles and go and tell other people how good they've been just so that other people can tell them how good it is that they've been good and that if everyone doesn't continue to do more good things that they will all end up in hell. Like I said, it's confusing.

Cameron and I haven't talked once since the dance. I have no missed calls from him. He has no missed calls from me. After that night I realized I didn't want to invest my time in someone who was going to emotionally damage me. I'm figuring out who I am and I don't need anyone holding me back. My whole life I've had people holding me back.

One thing I do miss about Cameron though is having someone to make me laugh. That dude is literally the funniest. After what happened that night I just wish I could look into his head; I want to see his thoughts. If I knew what he was thinking that would make all of this so much easier. I could see how he really feels. Not that that matters anyways. What he said will forever radiate in my mind and there's no changing that. The fact that he actually said faggot is just disgusting. Honestly it doesn't matter to me when people jokingly say it because I usually don't care what people think. The reason it hurt is because I opened up to him; I lowered my defenses and he completely destroyed me.

Nash and Ash have still been weird around me lately. I just wish everything could go back to normal. I wish it could all go back to before Cameron. I wish that I had never gone to the movies that night and ran into him; that's where shit started to get bad. I brought Cameron into my life and he fucked it up. I hear my phone start ringing and I pick it up off my bedside table. It's Tessa.

"Shawn." she says fast.

"Is everything ok Tessa?" I ask worried.

"Are you doing anything tonight?" she asks me. Phew she just wants to hang.

"No I'm totally free." I say.

"Good. You're going to the movies." Why'd she say it like that?

"What movie are we watching?"

"You're watching a movie." She waits a second. "With my friend."

"Why can't you go?" I ask. I think it might be weird if me and some girl I don't know go to the movies together.

"Because I might have told him you were hot and single." she says happily. It's a guy?

"Wait you're setting me up on a blind date?" I ask confused, I can feel my heart beating faster in my chest.

"Yes. He's one of my close friends, kind of like you, and you're both single and looking and gay so I figured I'd set you up! You guys are like meant for each other." she says. It's still weird hearing her say I'm gay.

"Tessa I don't know. I've never been on a date before."

"Shawn that's so cute." she says laughing.

"Stop laughing at me." I say smiling.

"Look Shawn just say yes."

"Why?" I ask smiling but feeling nervous.

"Because he's on his way over to your house right now. He'll be there in 30 minutes."

"Shut up." I say shocked.

"Nope. Have fun Shawn. You're gonna love him. He's a real sweetheart." She goes to hang up the phone.

"Wait Tess!"

"What?" she asks confused.

"Could you at least tell me his name?" I ask kind of excited now.

"His name is River. River Denning." She hangs up the phone. River. That actually sounds pretty cute. Damnit Tessa. I start getting ready, trying to decide what to wear. I haven't even brushed my teeth today. I run to my bathroom and see what a mess I actually am. I've been in a slump. Fuck that. Let's get lit tonight. After half an hour I've gotten myself ready, wearing a light blue skin tight shirt and dark blue tight fit jeans. If I'm going on my first date with a guy I'm gonna look hot. I make sure my hair looks good and then spray some cologne. I hear the doorbell ring. I run out of my bathroom, through my bedroom, eventually getting downstairs before my mom answers the door. I get there just before she does.

"I'm going out to the movies. I'll be back later mom." I say, opening the door. She goes to respond but I step out and slam it before she can. I realize I've ran into River. My arms are pushed up against his chest. Damn he's built. I turn my neck and look at his face for the first time in my life. He's an inch or two taller than me.

"You must be Shawn." he says extremely close to my face and smiling. His voice is deeper than mine but not too deep. It's sexy. He's got a defined jaw line and light stubble. This dude must work out every day of the week. His muscles look like they're about to pop out of his shirt. His hair is short and flows upwards. It's brownish in color, a light brown like looking at a tree in the middle of the day with the sun shining kind of brown.

"You must be River." I say, returning the smile. He looks from my eyes to my lips. Before he makes any moves I push myself backwards from him. "Let's go." I say. "Before my parents come out here." We walk to his black Jeep Wrangler and board the vehicle.

"Do they know where you're going tonight?" he asks me, buckling himself.

"I told them I was going to the movies."

"With a guy?" he asks, backing out of my driveway.

"Not exactly." I say.

"You are gay right?" he asks, still focusing on driving the car. My heart speeds up at this question. After the car is in the street he looks over at me. I haven't answered his question yet.

"Yes." I say softly.

"No need to be afraid." he says reaching over to grab my hand. "No ones gonna make you feel ashamed tonight Shawn." He holds my hand in his. He's warm and I like it. I feel the heat in my face rising. "You're cute when you blush." he says, letting go of my hand and driving away from my house. It's so strange. For the first time in my life I'm allowed to be myself.