The Captain's Husband

14. Rogers-Barnes

I'm currently fidgeting with the ring in my pocket.

I've been thinking about Bucky and talking to myself and quietly brooding over everything that happened within the last 48 hours. I had a freak medical emergency, my boyfriend had a breakdown, and I couldn't handle a bit of any of it either.

I don't want to be honest with him, and I should. I should want to tell him everything - but I don't. I don't want to tell him the truth about what I've done to myself, about the mistake I made.

He must be worried sick.

I must look like a maniac.

Why do I complicate everything?

Really, why?

My heart skips a beat.

I miss him.

I shouldn't have left like that.

I want so desperately to curl up in bed and smother Bucky with kisses and cuddles.

My phone rings.

It's probably an intervention.

Honestly?

Thank God if it is.

I take my phone out of my pocket.

Is it Bucky?

I look at the screen.

It's Tony.

Shit.

Tony is probably doing damage control.

I answer his call, "Rogers."

"What the hell are you thinking?" He asks. "Your boyfriend just showed up at my door asking me to help find you because he, Sam, Clint, and Natasha still haven't been able to track you down. And Dr. Cho is furious with us because we can't find you. If I had any sense, I'd tell you to come back and save me from her ranting, but knowing you, I can't do that. Can you tell me why?"

Sounds like you've got some explaining to do once you get back into the tower, Steve.

I look down at the pavement below.

I wonder if "falling" off the roof would knock me out long enough to turn off the screaming in my head.

Knock it off, dumbass.

You'd give Bucky a heart attack.

"I've been on the roof the whole time," I tell him, the palm of my hand pressed to my face.

How on earth do I tell them I just didn't want to be in the building because Bucky and I were arguing?

That seeing him in pain when I'm planning on proposing eats away at my heart?

And that I'm guilty as a motherfucker for doing this to myself?

"Can you come back inside then?" He asks, sighing. "Bucky's about this far from losing his shit and I know that I'd like to live, if that means anything."