The Captain's Husband

70. The Captain's Husband (Bucky)

As I open my eyes, I'm greeted with a forehead kiss and the refreshing chill of the autumn breeze blowing through the open windows of the bedroom.

"Good morning, love," Steve says softly.

I snuggle closer to him, burying my face in his chest with a happy sigh.

He chuckles, and then he says, "What is it, babe?"

I sneak a kiss in, pressing my lips to his neck, which draws an intrigued hum from him.

"Just happy," I say softly. "I'm close to you, in your arms, actually. It's my favorite place to be.

"I never told you, but this is what I missed the most when Thanos took you away from me," he tells me, moving his hands to my hair, running his fingers through. "I didn't sleep the entire time we were searching for ways to bring everyone home. I tried, but exhaustion couldn't even take me."

     "You still haven't really talked much about that, what it was like without us," I point out.

      "Because there isn't much for me to say about it," he sighs. "The meds weren't cutting it, I couldn't take the edge off, and I was hysterical. Ana kept me from doing any physical harm to myself, and honestly, so did you. I was just seconds away from going up to the roof to jump, just to knock some sense into myself, when you managed to contact her. Nat and Tony had to hold me up to keep me from passing out, I was so overwhelmed."

     "It doesn't sound like you don't have much to say," I tell him. "And, baby, I know you hate taking those meds, but it's probably what kept you on your feet. If you hadn't been taking them, I think you would've done serious damage to yourself. I'd rather not think about it, you know, but it's something we've both had to accept. Just because we're jacked doesn't mean that we're perfect, and it definitely doesn't mean that what we've been through should be discounted in any way."

     "We've been through so much in such a short period of time, though," he says, hardly a whisper, "Sometimes I don't know if this life has anything left in it for us. We've lost so much."

"It's not about how much we lost, it's about how much we have left," I say softly as he runs his vibranium fingers through my hair. "And, honestly, it's been a hell of a ride, but I wouldn't change anything. I still have you, and we have our family and friends."

      A hum vibrates through my chest, and I snuggle closer to him, craving more of the heat rolling off of his body.

     "What is it, Buck?" He asks after a moment.

      "I love you," I tell him softly. "And I love the life we've built — our family, our friends, our children, what we have. It's all because of you."

      "I love you more," he smiles, wrapping me up in his arms, one hand on my back, the other still in my hair. "And, sweetheart, it's not all me. It's because of you too."

      "If you hadn't fought the world as we know it to get me home, and if they chose not to understand or to continue fighting us, we wouldn't be where we are now," I say. "I'd probably be dead, and you'd probably be in prison, or you'd be dead too."

      "I can think of much worse," he says.

      "Like what?" I ask.

      "If I hadn't broken through the programming and got to you, you'd probably still belong to HYDRA," he explains. "And if that had happened, I probably would have actually killed myself. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you and not being able to hold you, kiss you, tell you that I love you ever again. I'd lost you before, and that almost killed me, but knowing that you're out there in the world, and that I'd never be able to have you come home to me, it would have been the actual end. Forget Thanos. You not knowing me, not knowing yourself or us, it's so much worse than the hell he put us through."

     "I was suicidal until you found me in Romania," I tell him softly. "I tried to end it, but just the thought of you pulled me away from it. I knew that you were waiting for the right moment to take me home, that I had to live so you could take me home, but a part of me doubted that I'd ever be able to break free from the programming and really give you the life and love you deserved. I didn't want to put you through that kind of heartbreak."

      "And with that said, we both know it's incredibly unhealthy to pin our existence to a single person, but it's what we both had to do to to survive, and it's kept both of us alive," he says softly, taking my face in his hands and pulling my face toward his, "And, baby, I know I'm beating my demons down again, but I can say for sure that we've survived. I love you, I've loved you from the moment I first met you, when we were just kids and didn't know what the world really was, and I'll love you even after we turn to stardust and fade from existence."

      "Till the end of the line, Stevie," I smile.

      He smiles and presses his lips to mine.

      I kiss him back, the tenderness of the moment and the feeling of his body against mine sending goosebumps flashing across my skin.

I melt into him, giving in completely, my heart full of the love he's poured into me, the love he's poured into us.

     "Till the end of the line, Buck," he murmurs in between kisses. "I'm so lucky to call you mine."

I smile against his lips, and I murmur back, "I'm even luckier. I'm the Captain's husband."