The Captain's Husband

24. Bitter (Sam)

With the Ravagers' Colors exploding in the sky, we raise our glasses in memory of our fallen friends. I take a bitter sip, loathing the burn of the liquor.

     It's not right to drink without them.

We should be drinking with them...for them...something other than drinking to mourn them.

God, I never thought I'd live to see the day.

It's unfair, absolutely unfair.

I set my drink aside and put my hands in my pockets, staring at the floor the whole time.

     I don't want to take another drink.

     It hurts too much without them here to kickstart the chaos like the used to.

     Natasha puts her hand on my shoulder. I look up to meet her gaze to find that she's got the same wounded look on her face that I most certainly do.

    A moment after, she vanishes, and the team scatters. I wander through the tower, looking for a place to catch my breath.

    I find Tony on the roof. He, Steve, and Bucky would spend weekends hanging out with a case of beer up there. Some of Tony's favorite memories of both Steve and Bucky are from those moments, but they aren't here, and that's something he hasn't come to terms with yet. I don't think he ever will either.

     I find Rhodey in the tower library looking through the photography archive. He spends a majority of his time looking at photos of Steve and Bucky during WWII. He stares sadly at individual pictures of Steve following Bucky's fall.

    The Captain should never be without his Soldier.

     I can't help but agree.

     They're like magnets.

I find Wanda on the patio sitting on the edge of the pool with her feet in the water. The hum of the universe is all she needs to feel Steve and Bucky's presence. After all, matter — just like the souls of our fallen soldiers— cannot be created nor destroyed.

I hope that much is actually true.

I find Vision standing in the kitchen of the tower lounge, silently sipping on a glass of Sauvignon Blanc. He can't taste it, but he's calmed by the motion. He would often spend his Sunday afternoons with Steve, Bucky, and Wanda on the porch sipping on wine. Steve and Bucky preferred rich red wine, Wanda preferred blush wine, and Vision preferred the crystal-clear look of a lovely white wine.

I find Bruce in the lab. Steve and Bucky were always floating through the lab checking out new gear and weapons, testing things out, or lending a hand. He's rather disturbed by the thought that Natasha will likely become a recluse, that Tony will throw himself into his work to numb the pain, that the entire Avengers family will cease to exist as anything more than shells of who we are.

     If I have to be honest, I am too.

     I find Thor in his room attempting to contact his brother. After a couple minutes, Loki teleports to him. He understands that Thor is as upset about their deaths as the others are, and he's sad that such selfless heroes were murdered by such a cruel bastard.

     It's not sitting well with either of them.

     I find Clint leaving the tower to go home to his family for a while. He's lost two brothers in arms, and he's watched the remaining family struggle with the nightmare. He wants to see his sister and her children. Pietro is with him.

Natasha vanishes completely, leaving nothing behind. I figure that she's taking a mental health vacation to a deserted island somewhere, but I know that Tony is probably tracking her. She wouldn't abandon him, or the team, especially now. It would be too much for anyone to handle with any grace whatsoever.

I go to the tower gym, and I find Brookie curled up in the corner with her head resting on her front paws. I walk over and sit beside her, scratching behind her ears as I settle down. She looks up at me, with big brown eyes full of nothing but grief, and I press a kiss to her nose.

"I know, Brooklyn," I sigh as she scoots over and rests her head in my lap. "They should be here."

She whines mournfully. My heart breaks at the sound. Such a gentle creature shouldn't have to feel so much pain.

I stroke her ears, saying softly, "We'll be okay, Brookie. I promise."

We sit there in silence until I decide to take her up to the lounge so I can feed her. Then, we crash on the couch.

Neither Brookie or I really want to be alone right now, and her quiet companionship is enough to calm the chaos in my head.