私の美咲- My Misaki

Chapter 30

One year later.....

The sun shone brightly in a clear blue sky, filling my cold, numb body with its warmth. Yet, nothing could remove the unbearable weight that had settled at the bottom of my heart. A year ago today I was still cable of dreaming of happily ever afters, today I realized how naive I had been. A year ago I had thought all I had to do was tell the truth and everything would work out, now I realize that's not how things work. The truth didn't always bring happiness as was evident by the cold slab of stone that lay before me. A year ago he was still in my life, now he was buried six feet underground, and I was forced to live on without him.

For the first few months after his death I had refused to believe it, I kept telling myself that it was all a dream and that I would wake up and he would be by my side once more. However, after the days kept passing by me I finally came to terms with the cruel reality; he wasn't coming back. The days, weeks, months that followed were a blur to me. There would be days when I would do nothing but cry. Other days I would sit statute like, staring off into the distant with glazed eyes, as memory after memory came forth to haunt me. My nights were spent without sleep, which my body desperately needed, yet it eluded me till months later.

During that time one thought kept surfacing in my mind, screaming at me, telling me I was the only one to blame. Telling me his death was all my fault. In the beginning I let the guilt consume me and add to my existing burdens. After all I couldn't help but compare this accident to the one that took my parents away from me. How was it possible that the people I loved the most were always taken from me? Was it possible I was paying for sins from a previous life, or was life just this cruel to enjoy my suffering? Thoughts like these plagued me till I could no longer handle the pain and guilt that became part of my daily life. So, I decided things had to change. I couldn't continue living like that, letting my life slip past me.

Now standing here in front of his grave I realized how much things had changed. I learned to live once more, just like I learned to move on after my parents death. I was starting to enjoy life once more. The blame and guilt I had burdened myself with were now gone. I had finally come to terms with the fact that I wasn't to blame for what had happened. Therefore I could now stand in front if his grave, and feel the sun on my skin, and smile for the first time in a year.

This morning when I came to this cemetery it was with a burdened heart, but now that burden has been lifted, and my mourning has finally ended a year after it started. So, without holding back I set the tears that have been filling my eyes free. I kneeled in front of his grave and let everything go, knowing this was the end of a long, painful journey and the start of a newer much happier one.

I was about to get up once my tears had finally dried, but I felt a hand on my shoulder, and my smile returned to my face. A smile that could rival the brightness of the sun.

"You forgot the flowers in the car." Was all he said as he handed me twin lily bouquets.

I took them gratefully as I stood up. Then I turned once again to face the graves in front of me. I placed one flower bouquet atop each of the graves that lay before me. Then I ran my hand over the inscription on the first grave;

Takahiro Takahashi
In loving memory of a father, because no one deserves the title more than him.
I love you nii-chan.

Moving on to the second grave I read the inscription one final time;

Manami Takahashi
In loving memory of a stranger brave enough to take on the title of a sister, a wife, and a mother. Thank you for accepting us as family even when we were broken.

Glancing one last time at nii-chan's grave, I turned around and accepted the hand that Usagi-san was holding out to me. While one chapter has finally ended, a new one was just beginning because there was still so much to live for. Including my new life with Usagi-san and the twins, who we treated like our own children.