pizza boy || ziam au (boyxboy)

40.

yall remember this video? the song? the fight? larry? ziam? liam singing to zayn? because i am crying i miss this and i miss fetus one direction and ziam but okay:)

i thought it was easy

i thought you could choose

i thought that if you tried hard

then you couldn't lose

i thought it was pleasure

i thought it was pure

oh i thought i knew what love was

'till i met you

zayn.

i was there when safaa was crying because i broke her favourite doll, i was the reason.

i was there when i heard my mother crying at three am after i told her about my sexuality, i was the reason.

i was there when my dad cried in pain because i dropped the tools box on his foot, i was the reason.

i was there when my whole family's lives ended after the car flipped, i was the reason.

i was there when my bullies hurt louis because of me, i was the reason.

and i was there when geoff payne promised to give up on his son, my ex boyfriend, i was the fucking reason.

because that's what i am, a burden, i always fuck things up, i never do something good, i ruin everything, that's who i am.

maybe everything will be better when i am dead?

it's been two weeks since i have broken up with the love of my life, and everything went to hell ever since.

i broke his heart because i was a burden, and i lied to him saying that i've cheated on him so he can hate me.

because i ruin everything i touch, that's what burdens do.

i didn't want it to be that way, i thought everything was going great, i thought my sun was finally shining and my life is getting better.

liam made my life brighter, he mad me forgot about the pain, i felt wanted, but i forgot that i was a useless, pathetic, pitiful piece of shit.

my love taught me how to live, how to be happy with the smallest things, like a forehead kiss, or a simple 'i love you' going out of the most beautiful mouth ever.

but i guess life isn't for everyone.

isn't for me.

i sighed loudly, tucking the covers over my head as the tears fell down rapidly.

i heard the dorm door shut and figured out it was louis.