Kenny
We've been sitting in silence for almost 10 minutes. I guess neither one of us wanted to go first. As much as I hate to admit it, she's right this conversation has to be had for the kids' sake.
"I-...um..." I paused trying to find the right words.
"Come on." She said patting her lap.
"No, I can't."
"Ken this was the only way I could get you to say what was on your mind when we were together."
"Fine, but don't tell anyone."
"My lips are sealed."
I scooted closer to her and laid my head on her lap. Her fingers raked through my hair as I let my guard down and felt old feelings return.
"When you left I felt like the world shattered around me. Every bit of perfection in my life was gone. I wanted to lay down and die because I didn't think I could live without you." I started.
"I'm-"
"Don't say you're sorry anymore." I interrupted.
"Okay."
"I spent the first 2 months drinking my life away. I couldn't work, eat, sleep, nothing. I couldn't even look our kids in the eye because all I saw was you. It took six months for me to get myself together. I hated pretending that I was okay when I wasn't."
"Please understand that I never meant to hurt you."
"But you did. You did more than that, you broke me. How could you do that to me? I loved you more than I love myself."
"I didn't plan on leaving, I didn't just wake up one morning not being in love with you anymore, and I didn't plan on having an affair. It all just happened...fast."
"How does something like that just happen?"
"I wanted you to see what it was like to not have me there waiting at the door for you. Just for one night to feel alone and wonder where I am, to feel like I felt every night. I got dressed up, dropped the kids off, and went to a club just to drink and have fun with my girls."
"Then you met him?"
She nodded, "He was so manipulative, made me think what we were doing was okay and that you deserved it. Then when I started feeling guilty, he handed me a pill and told me to try it. I did and after that I couldn't stop. I went from taking it once a week to three times a day and then there was the cocaine...Kenny I don't even remember the night I left because I was so messed up." She said.
"Were you happy with him?" I asked changing the subject.
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Toni
When he asked me that, a river of emotions came to me. I didn't want to talk about it. He looked up at me and sat up with a confused expression on his face. "Were you?" He asked again.
"Every time I mentioned you, the kids, or even considered coming back, he would beat the hell out of me. As if that wasn't bad enough he told me that if I left he would kill you and my babies. Omar was fucking psychotic and the drugs made it worse. I knew he was serious."
I sighed as the tears flowed.
"I guess I stayed because I felt like I deserved it."
"No woman deserves that." He said softly.
"After everything I did to you, I did. Ken I was so stupid and I hate myself for what I did. I just hope one day you can forgive me-"
"It's okay."
"No it's not."
"Shh..." He trailed off staring into my eyes. His finger found its way under my chin and he brought my face to his before placing his lips on mine. Part of me thought this was a weird dream but as the kiss got deeper I realized this was in fact reality.
I pulled away to catch my breath, "Ken, what are we do-"
"I don't know but it feels right at this moment."
He leaned in again but I stopped him. "I don't want you to do something you'll regret in the morning. Besides, I'm sure you're still in pain from the fall. Let's get you back in bed."
He looked at me before finally nodding okay. I helped him up and into bed. After we finished I headed for the door before feeling a tug on my hand. I turned around and he didn't say anything but I read his mind. I let out a breath before turning the light off and climbing in bed with him. It was awkward yet peaceful as we drifted off to sleep.
Short update.
