Children of the Boss

Chapter 23: Carmen

September 26th

My parents' 20th anniversary was absolutely wonderful. Friends, family, Kenneth - everything was perfect. The next day was the opposite. 

When Kenneth was kissing me and fingering me, everything wrong in the world subsided. Then Grandma knocked, and when your grandmother knocks as your adoptive brother fingers you - it's completely mortifying. I mean, what if she opened the door? She did that when we were kids. Dad and Pop still sometimes didn't knock. In that moment Kenneth really felt like my brother, and the thing is - when he actually feels like my brother, he feels like a stranger. I don't know Kenneth as my brother, so when reality hits suddenly I'm forced to see him as a completely different person.

I didn't want to completely turn him away, but in that moment when our whole family was there, I had to shut him out. I never shut him out, but again - he was suddenly a stranger.

I changed into some new clothes and did my morning routine. I sat down in the kitchen and dining room where Grandma was making breakfast. Kenneth was down there already, helping. He looked so good. He was getting bigger, stronger, and was still tan from the summer. His hair had grown a little and he looked good with a little shagginess. When I saw him next to Grandma, our grandmother, I sat with Clara on the balcony.

We spoke in Portuguese.

"You look tense baby," she said.

"I just...being around the whole family and being around Kenneth...it's a lot," I said. "You said to just let things happen and if we do that then it's just going to lead to a lot of mistakes. It feels like reality is sinking in and-" I shook my head, tearing up. "It sucks."

"Oh baby," she said, taking my hand. "I understand how you're feeling. Sometimes doing the right thing isn't the easiest."

I sniffed. "I was just stupid and kept thinking there could be a way, like love conquers all, but it doesn't. I mean, Dad and Pop are still in love. They struggled getting together in the first place. Then a few years ago they didn't get along and fought a lot. Nothing even prompted them to be mean to each other, they just fell out of love, but love won out for them. Love won out for you and Lorena despite everything shitty you had to go through."

"Hey," she said, grabbing my other hand. "I wouldn't have had you if I hadn't gone through all of those shitty things. Sometimes, the best thing can come from the worst thing. I might not have been in your life all the time, but I'm so glad I had you. You're the thing I'm most grateful for in this world."

"I just don't know what good thing will come from this. We see each other everyday. It'll be awful until we graduate and go separate ways."

"Oh Carmen." She embraced me. I silently wept, not wanting to draw attention. After calming down I went into the kitchen and dining room where everyone was.

Everyone went home early after breakfast because Dean started fighting with Dad and it set a bad tone for the rest of the day. Kenneth drove Madison, Gabriel, his friend, and myself back to Cornwall. Clara and Lorena rode with Dad and Pop, and then when we got to the house they retired to their room quickly while Clara, Lorena, and I hung out. I showed them the house, my room, we walked around town, showing them the school and my favorite places in town. They stayed the night in our guest bed and then the next day we got food at Kenneth's restaurant.

He really was a good cook, and I had to brag about it to Clara and Lorena. He even managed to make some coxhinas for me since I loved them. Clara and Lorena said goodbye to me early though because they had a very early flight at JFK Monday morning, and they wanted to meet up with a few friends in the city for dinner. Clara told me she would call once she got home. I missed her quickly once she left.