secrets ↠ demi lovato / 5h

[15]

tw // self harm 

Demi and I were staying at her place at XF for a week or two more before we went back to her house in LA.

it was two days after I won, and it hasn't actually fully sunk in for me yet becau-

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" I flinched as I heard Demi yelling.

"NO, I WON'T!" pause. "STOP!"

I cautiously made my way to our room. Demi had her phone on speaker, and it was a male voice crackling over the speaker- her manager. she was pacing, her phone thrown on the bed.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, I WILL NOT!"

the yelling was bringing back memories and very unfortunately, panic attack triggers.

"OKAY, LISTEN UP."

I flattened myself against the wall, closing my eyes and trying to remind myself that it was Demi yelling at her manager, not Mom and Mike screaming, drunk. my breathing quickened and I began shaking. as the crying started, I slapped my hand across my mouth to make sure no tell-take sounds escaped.

"I GET TO SAY WHERE I WANT TO PERFORM."

I slid down the wall, back flat against it, and squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted to run far away from the yelling, but my feet couldn't move. more tears leaked and the negative thoughts that once plague me returned to haunt.

"cut."

"cut."

"cut."

no, I told them. go the hell away. I'm not going to give in.

"NO! IM NOT GOING TO! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS?"

since I wasn't going to cut- but pain would obviously help now- I bit down on the hand covering my mouth and held there as the metallic taste of blood began seeping into my mouth, mixed with the salty tears.

"wait." Demi sounded completely different, except her voice was hoarse. the pacing had stopped. "wait here, and don't you dare hang up."

the door swung open.

"oh, baby girl."

I opened my eyes to see Demi squatted down in front of me, her concerned eyes staring into mine.

"hey, baby," she gently pried my hand from my mouth. her brow furrowed as she saw my bite. "you're bleeding, sweetheart."

she picked me up bridal style and went into the bathroom, then turned on the sink and rinsed my bleeding hand off gently. it was starting to sting now. thankfully, once Demi appeared, the thoughts had vanished. "it'll stop stinging in a while, and we can wrap it up with gauze if you want," she wet a towel and wiped my tears away. "do you want to talk, precious?" she asked softly.

I looked up at her with my big brown eyes. "can I go in the tub?"

her mouth twitched with amusement. "okay, but you have to promise me something-"

"I won't cut and I won't lock the door."

Demi broke out into a smile. "I love you so much, you know?" she reached into a cupboard and threw me a bath bomb. (spoiler alert: I caught it) "I'm going to finish up this phone call, okay?"

"Demi?"

"yes, gorgeous?"

"don't yell yourself hoarse."

color flooded her cheeks. "you know me too well."

once she left, I stripped down and ran the tub, dropping my bath bomb in before getting in myself. it smelt like candy floss. I drew the curtain shut and reclined slightly, closing my eyes, relaxing and-

"OKAY LISTEN UP. YOU PRACTICALLY SCARED MY LITTLE GIRL SHITLESS AND I WILL NOT-"

"Demi!" I yelled from the tub.

"what?"

"can you quit yelling? I know whatever is happening, it sucks, but being rational is going to make them more likely to listen to you, okay? you don't want to deal with me when I'm yelling, right? yeah, so could you please calm down and be mature before they send security in here, and I want to enjoy my bath in peace!"

silence.

the door opened a bit and Demi stuck her head in. "I love you so much, baby girl. thank you."

"I know you need someone to yell at you sometimes."

Demi paused. "sometimes it's good the Lovatics know so much, huh?"

"yeah, and if I had to buy a bra for you, I know what size to get."

"what the hell? you guys know that too?!"

I giggled, dunking my head underwater. as I resurfaced, I called, "you probably won't want to leave Mr Manager waiting, Demi."

"I love you," Demi said as the door clicked shut.

"I love you too," I called after her.

------

after my bath, and after Demi had compromised with her manager, I made her a cup of warm honey water.

"thank you, sweetie," Demi curled her fingers around the cup and took a long drink. I lay on my stomach, using Demi's phone to go on twitter. my old phone had broken down - again - and wouldn't start up for the final time.

@MsLeaRochelle: bath bombssss.

Demi set her cup down on the nightstand. "Lea, I gotta tell you something, okay?"

"okay," I returned the phone to her.

"you have offers to sign to Syco, Hollywood and Epic," Demi said, a smile growing on her face.

I stared at her.

"three record labels?!" I nearly screamed.

"yes baby girl!" Demi was brightening up with every second.

I launched myself at her. she caught me and we hugged. it was a celebration in hugs.

"I get to choose?" I asked.

"yes!" Demi smiled.

I pondered it for a few seconds.

"don't rush it," Demi told me. "you have a week to get back to them."

"then I won't," I said to Demi.

"just wanted to let you know," Demi picked up her mug again. she tossed me her phone.

I opened twitter, but I couldn't tear my eyes off something on my profile... a little blue symbol, with a tick...

"Demi," I said shakily. "I think I'm verified."

@MsLeaRochelle: good things keep happening! =] #VERIFIED

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A/N:

for some reason whenever I type Lovato it ends up as Locato

xoxo