secrets ↠ demi lovato / 5h

[43]

once we were in her car, me in the backseat, she plugged her keys into the ignition, got the engine started and began to back out of the parking lot. my phone dug uncomfortably into my right hip bone and I squirmed against the uncomfortably tight seat belt that rubbed against my collarbones every inch I moved. my mother caught my eye in the rearview mirror and smiled coldly.

"I'm glad you chose to come with me, Lea. maybe we can leave this whole idea of 'fame' behind."

I forced a small smile and averted my eyes to the window. it was tinted, and while I was getting into the car, I noticed that anyone looking in from the outside wouldn't be able to see what was inside. wasn't this illegal?

for the next hour and a half, we drove from central NYC, away from Demi, Naya and all forms of my security, and to Uniondale. as we drove into the city, I began to recognize the buildings and the areas. this was where I grew up, and lived. a lump grew in my throat as I spotted a sign for the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, where Demi played her show for the Neon Lights Tour. I slid back into my seat, careful not to let any emotion show. I stared at the driver's seat in front of me, chewed the inside of my lip and blanked myself out. my hands were itching to get on my phone, text Demi, get help. but if my mom noticed, she would take it away, and I would have zero chance of getting any help. I had to be sneaky with this.

when we pulled up at our old house, I suppressed a sigh as we got out of the car. my mother, Mom, she said to call her, grabbed a hoodie and threw it to me.

"wear this, hood up, and hide your face."

I did as she said, and we entered the house. when I stepped inside, a wave of nausea hit me and I had to take a deep breath before being able to look around. everything was exactly the same, the furniture and the walls and curtains were all identical to what we had before. even that red plant pot was in the same place, next to the porcelain pig figurine.

everything was bringing back memories of Katelyn.

I stepped forward gingerly, adjusting back quickly to the small cramped spaces. narrowly missing one of the small armchairs in the main room, I followed my mother through to the kitchen where she put her purse down on the kitchen counter and then turned to smirk at me.

"welcome home, Lea."

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tw // ED, self harm & mentions of abuse

I sat cross legged on my old bed, staring at the wall blankly. Mom had told me that I was going to stay in the house all day, and help her to cook, clean, maintain the house while she went to work every day, seven days a week. I wasn't allowed any internet, computers, and she assumed that I didn't have my phone. she didn't have a house phone, so I technically couldn't contact anybody.

phone. my phone. I had tucked it into my bra because if Mom was to check me, she wouldn't check my bra... would she? I took it out, and checked my battery. 92% battery wasn't so bad. if I remembered the wifi password correctly and if Mom hadn't changed it, I could still use it, and I could use 4G - I'd pay for it later. I had to get out of here. I looked around frantically for somewhere to hide it. I slid it behind a stack of dust-covered books on my small bookcase. nothing had been removed from my room ever since I left one year ago, and although it was very small, I was thankful I hadn't been sharing a room with Katelyn because that would've been too painful to bear. now I needed to make a mental list of the things I had to do soon to ensure that I wouldn't lose my sanity completely.

1. find a charger.

since Mom had gotten a proper job now, she might've gotten a phone. and then I could use her charger, and hopefully contact Demi. I would have to wait for her to go to work tomorrow - Wednesday - and sneak into her room to see.

2. find a way to cope with the urges.

this house was bringing back so many memories. the abuse of both me and Katelyn, Katelyn self-harming, my self-harm, both of our eating disorders. the many lonely nights I spent crying in the bed I was sitting on now, and the bathroom Katelyn and I used to share that held our hours of meltdowns on the cold tiled floor, the blood, pain, suffering. right on cue, my stomach rumbled, and I hit it sharply to try and stop the noise. I had no time for food.

I found the strength to lift my head and look around the room. in comparison to my room in NY and LA, it was tiny, cramped and dark. the only source of natural light was the window my bed was next to. maybe I sounded spoiled and pampered, and maybe I was. the past year had been so tumultuous that to be back in my old room was so strange, like I was sitting on someone else's bed instead of my own. I felt like an outsider in the room that had been mine for the past 13 years. I didn't dare to look in the bottom right hand drawer in my closet, where I had hid a box of spare blades, nor did I dare to step into the bathroom, although I probably would have to at some point.

a gust of strong wind blew by, and a draft came through my window that rattled dangerously and noisily. I shivered. I needed to be warm. if I was sick, no one was going to take care of me and it'd be harder to escape. I looked through my closet. I recognized most of the clothes, although I had actually forgotten I owned them. if I had that hoodie that I left on Naya's sofa, I'd be warm. for now, I pulled a grey hoodie off a hanger and put it on. to my surprise, it still fit and zipped up. Mom must've washed it or something and it must've expanded. I was glad it did, or I wouldn't be able to fit.

after a small dinner of canned tomato soup and patronizing "conversation" with Mom, I was sent up to my room. I decided not to use wifi just in case Mom tracked the messages coming in and going out of the network. using 4G to check my phone, I only saw one message before being too tired and sliding under my pillow in a haze of exhaustion, before falling asleep.

Demi: hang on in there baby, we're coming to get you.

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A/N:

I got angry messages regarding last chapter... so I figured I better give you guys this one soon.

don't worry though, Lea is safe... for now. ;)

what do you want to see happen with Lea in the house? her mom?

xoxo I love YOU. stay strong.