The Loneliness of Insecurities

"Proud Parents"

I was getting more and more irritated by the second, I knew coming to lunch with my parents was not going to be normal. I was sick and tired of them telling the story of how I came out and how I moved away and never looked back but they were missing a few details. The details about how they both treated me when I did come out and how my dad told me that 'Fags' at no place in the world and he didn't raise me to be one. Yes, things were better between us now but that doesn't negate the fact that I don't like talking about it especially in front of Raelynn. I still was sold on her whole acceptance thing just yet, but I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt for now. I looked over at Mitchell and he looked just as irritated as I was.

"James are you ok? Your pretty quiet over there." My mom said looking at me.

"Well you seem to be talking enough for the both of us so have at it." I said giving her a fake smile.

"I see you still have that lame ass attitude problem huh? I swear you and yo daddy just alike when it comes down to that attitude." She said looking at me and my dad.

"I don't have an attitude I just have a problem with stupid shit." My dad said looking directly at me.

"So, you saying what I'm doing is stupid shit? Wow I see somethings haven't changed huh." I said scuffing.

"Things have changed but my believes are my believes and that won't change." He said looking at me and then at Mitchell. "So, what it's been almost a year right? That you and James been together."

"Yes sir it has, and I've got to say that even though he is not what you expected to be...... he is a wonderful person with a kind and gentle soul. He will go out of his way for people on a constant basis and he donates to a many different charities, owns his own business that's doing exceptionally well I might add, you raised a spectacular human being and I'm honored that I get to share my life with him." Mitchell said smiling at my dad and back at me.

"So how do you feel about your son being...... this way." My dad said to Raelynn pointing at us.

"At first, I had a major problem with it, but I've come to realize that if that is who he is then that's who he is." She said taking a sip out here drink.

"You see the reason why he is asking you that Raelynn because good ole Joseph here feels like.... How did you put it dad...... oh yea 'Fags' have no place in this world? Which is the reason why him and his oh so lovely wife thought it would be a good idea to kick their 16 year old son out in the street because I chose to be something they don't agree with, yes I have heard all your bullshit apologies and yes we have come a long way since then but the shit still hurts especially when you sitting at this table throwing all kinds of sly ass remarks like I didn't pick up on it and if that's what I owe this visit then have a safe trip back home." I said getting up from the table and walking out the restaurant. I just wanted to take a minute to cool off before I went off again. At this point I was ready to say fuck all of them and delete them out my life for good this time.

"Babe...... you ok or you need a minute?" Mitchell asked walking up slowly towards me.

"As long as I have you then I'm ok and stop acting like you scared." I said laughing.

"I'm just saying bruh...... you already went off on me enough and I'm not trying to get any more of your wrath no time soon." He said laughing. "I'ma have to start carrying crucifixes around when we together." I started laughing and hit him in the chest. "Ahh."

"I'm not that bad but I'm tired of always having to defend myself and who I am and the love I have in my heart Mitchell. If I was such a bad person or such a disgrace to God for being who I am then why do he continue to bless me the way he does? Why haven't I burned in hell as they said I was? And why is my business one of the top most successful business in the state of Tennessee? I'm just so tired of the bullshit like real talk." He didn't say nothing he just held me as I shed my final tears in this situation.