The Loneliness of Insecurities

"Finale"

Since being back from visiting my parents, and Vicky being in town, I have been avoiding asking Mitchell what I wanted to ask him. It was my nerves getting the best of me and that comes from me always being refused something that was dear to my heart. From everyone, my parents, old friends, old colleagues, Terrance, Raelynn, and just about everybody else in my have let me down on different things that I counted on them for. I loved Mitchell and if he was to refuse my offer or let me down, that would just devastate my whole world. There was one person I could call that I know would give me their honest opinion and that person is sitting in my living room now.

"So, what is it that got you distracted from the world right now?" Carmen asked me.

"Oh, I'm just thinking about somethings."

"Like what, talk to me. I know we haven't spoken in a while but that don't mean I have changed since then so let's have it bitch." She said laughing. I called her to check on them and somewhere in the conversation she told me that she was flying into town for some business she was taking over with Ava. I told her to stop by the house so we could talk and she did.

"You know next week Mitchell and I will make our 1-year anniversary and I wanted to throw us a little kick back and also I want to possibly expand my business and open up another shop in another state, but I'm scared he aint going to go for it."

"So, you telling me that you afraid to talk to your boyfriend about yall future because you afraid he isn't going to go for it? You have got to be out your everlasting mind right about now."

"Bitch you just don't get it...... I've been heartbroken and let down all my life and now that I finally have someone who treats me like I'm supposed to be treated, it frightens me that I would make a decision that he is not going to go for and it causes problems for us that we don't need."

"James, do you hear yourself right now? There aint no way that Mitchell will deny you something that will benefit the both of yall. Especially if he loves and cares for you the way you say he does, I say talk to him and let him know this is what you want to do."

"And what if he says that isn't something he wants to do? Then what? What if it requires us to move from Memphis to wherever I want the business and he don't want to go?"

"Then you leave his ass here to run this one while you go set the other up and it start making money. You can't keep letting your past get in the way of your future, and you can't let your fears stop you from going after your goals. When you started your company, it took a lot of faith and hard work and look at it now. I mean how many people can say that they have Roman Lawson as a client, things have no choice but to go up for the both of you."

"Yea it did take a lot of work, but I had Terrance to help me then, but you know how that turned out. I just don't want a repeat of what happened between us and I also don't want to put so much time in my work and not enough time for Mitch or he will find someone else to give him time." I said reflecting on the things that happened between Terrance and me.

"You think that will happen if yall both on the same page? Once again you are letting those pass things affect your future endeavors James. Talk to your dude, make him understand where you are coming from and explain to him how this will be a damn good idea."

We sat there talking for another few hours about what I want to do with my business and about throwing our Anniversary kickback. When I looked at the time most of the day had went by and I still haven't made my way to my shop yet. I called and told them I was on my way and to tell my appointments I was running a little behind schedule. I went upstairs to get dressed while Carmen waited for me downstairs. I quickly took a shower and got dressed in under 30 minutes which was a record for me. When I walked back downstairs my phone rang and I looked to see it was an unfamiliar number calling, I hit ignore and walked into the living to a waiting Carmen.