Damaged // Colby Brock

Six || The Monsters In My Head

Colby's POV:

Walking into the green room the next day was difficult. I know why Jade Brooks committed suicide and I can't tell her best friends. I walked in and sat in one of the chairs. Only Paige was in there so far.

-=flashback=-

"So where do you wanna set up?" Jade asked me.

"Um wherever you want" I said. She sighed before picking up the tripod bag and went to one side of the gym. I set up the tripod and she set the camera on top of it. She actually looked cute setting up the camera. I stopped looking at her and watched the basketball game we were recording. The whole game was awkward. We hardly talked and we just sat there the whole time.

"Colby" I heard pulling me back to reality.

-=end flashback=-

"Huh?" I asked. Everyone was in the room now.

"I said do you have any ideas for the next video?" Crystal asked me.

"No" I said.

"Are you okay?" Paige asked.

"Ya Im fine" i said. She didn't ask anything else after that.

"So I heard that Jade's mom went through her stuff and found out that she was like really fucking depressed" Justin said.

"Where did you hear that?" I asked.

"I heard some people in the office talking about it when I went in there earlier"

"Really?" Mariah asked.

"Ya. Apparently her mom gave her MacBook to a guy she was like in love with" Justin said. Crystal, Mariah, and Paige turned to me and I looked down.

"Um why don't you guys go ask Garcia about some of the video ideas we had" Paige told the guys. They all left leaving just me and the three girls.

"Did Jade's mom give you her MacBook?" Paige asked me.

"Ummmmm no" I said more as a question.

"Yes she did" Crystal said.

"Okay yes she did" I said.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"Because she told me not to tell people. She had a diary in her notes app" I explained.

"And we can't see it? We're her best friends" Crystal said.

"She told me not to. But she wrote something about you guys if you want me to read it to you" I said. They nodded and I pulled her MacBook out before going to the note she typed up about the three girls.

"Mariah is the funniest person I've ever met. She's not afraid to be different and I really admire that. If we don't end up near each other in the future, I'd fly across the world just to see her again. But anytime I needed her she was never there. Crystal is one to remember. She was a good wingman and overall a good friend. Id die for her. But she made me feel really bad about myself. She knew I wasn't a virgin and made me feel bad about my decision. Although Paige and I weren't the closest of friends before the YouTube group, I now feel like I can trust her with anything. Which is why she was one of the first people I told about my crush on Colby. But I feel like she thinks I'm not good enough since she doesn't trust me with anything for the youtube group" I read aloud to them. I looked up and saw they had tears going down their faces.

"Woah what happened?" Justin asked as he and the guys walked in.

"Um nothing" Crystal said. I closed Jade's MacBook and put it in my backpack.

"So Garcia said the ideas are good" Michael said.

-

I don't feel loved anymore. I feel like nobody even cares about me anymore. Not my friends, not my family, nobody. If I was gone it would make everyone's lives easier.

I rubbed my face with my hands before closing the MacBook.

Why am I doing this to myself?

Every time I read something she wrote it hurts a little more on the inside.

"Colby are you okay?" Garcia asked.

"Ya Im fine" i said. It was after school and I was in Garcia's class as usual.

"Colby the more you read the worse you're going to feel" he said.

"I know but I just can't stop reading it. It's like I'm in her mind"

"That's probably not a good idea to be in her mind" Garcia said.

"The girls found out I had her computer" I said.

"Were they mad?"

"A little but not too much" i said and the phone rang. Garcia got up and answered the phone.

"Hello.....ya....okay"

"So they want you in the principal's office again" he said once he hung up.

"Uh oh" i said as I picked up my bag.

"I'm gonna head home too so I'll see you tomorrow" he said.

"Alright" i said as i started walking to the principal's office.