So my mom has bad anxiety, stress and depression since my Papa died last year (around the 26 of November) she hasn't been the same since then and I just want my mom back and I can't ask her for anything I feel because any time I bring this crap up she starts to cry and apologize and not really let me explain much without making me feel horrible. It's stuff like that that makes me hate myself and how I am to people. Like last week I was watching my moms boyfriends kids and one started screaming that she hates her life and I felt responsible for that and I just thought about how shitty I am. But moving on from that, my mom is freaking out about every little thing getting super worked up and I feel bad for being up that I'm upset because it makes it worse. So when we had to move in with her boyfriend she kept saying she wanted to have everyone she loves together and now she's hiding out at my mamas (grandma) and making me come with her and I just feel really unstable and no where feels like home because there my moms not there's, here I have none of my things and at my dads they have my baby sister to take care of (more important things than me) and I don't want to make things any harder for them so I'm just of just stuck here and I don't know where to do or what to do and I feel like shit and I don't want my Mom to know I'm so upset because she just gets worse whenever I bring it up. She keeps on asking me if I'm upset or mad, of course I am. But when I tell her that she starts to cry or just say sorry and leave it at that. I'm just so frustrated and I can't do anything about it and I have no one to really talk to and I just want to disappear. I don't want to stay here because it's not my home. I don't want to go back to Robs house because it doesn't really feel like home either. I don't want to eat because it makes me feel gross. I don't want to sleep because then the next day will just come sooner. I don't want to stay awake because the more I think the more upset I get. I don't want to leave my room because I don't want to interact with people. I don't want to stay in here all alone because it just makes me think and feel worse. I'm just having a really shitty few days and I don't know how to deal with it. Honestly I just want the Mom that I had a year ago back.
A short bit about the someone thing..... I feel like I have no one who would want to be my someone because whenever I bring up my problems they just talk about their issues and just make me feel bad saying anything in the first place.
