i'm a fucking monster. i hate myself so goddamn much. so i recently got this new laptop (January) ((but my mom promised me that she'd buy me one for my graduation and it was always that but i didn't happen but oh well so he boyfriend ended up buying it for me so short bit on that sorry) and my one dog always fucking steps on it so i get frustrated because i try to keep it in good condition because i know i won't just get a new one if it breaks i'll probably never get another one again unless i buy it myself and i don't have a job yet since i'm pretty young still well not really almost 15. fuck. ramble. so my one dog stepped on it and i shoved her off my bed and she didn't land great and i just started to cry. i'm a fucking monster. i was just so frustrated because of everything going on and i don't usually do that because i love them, not that i don't right now i'm just frustrated. i'm angry and i just want to break something. i got my head on the wall until it really really hurt and now i have to lay down, i just feel the urge to hurt myself or to break something snd i feel like i'm going insane. i just need some help but i'm scared to go and talk to someone. i mean my mom now has to tell my dad everything (my parents have been separated since before i turned one) because he's concerned about my mental health because i had to take a day off school because of everything going on. and i don't want to talk to anyone because they never actually care and i don't want to break down in front of anyone. i just need help. i have a few people that make me feel like i'm not so alone but if you're not one of them and you wouldn't mind taking with me and trying to help me out, this is me trying to reach out. i don't know what to do anymore i feel stuck and dull and bad thoughts are going though my head and i want them to stop i don't want to want to break things or hurt myself and it's getting hard now to now so please if you can message me or comment or something i'm sorry
