I don't understand why people don't invite me out or to hang out with them... I need to find some new damn friends. I feel so useless and unwanted. why would you pretend to me nice to me and that you like me if you want nothing to do with me outside of school. I thought things would be better now but nope. just as shitty. I am so frustrated but the worst part is I hate myself for being so crappy, boring and apparently repulsive. I try so hard to brighten their day all the time and make them happy for what? absolutely nothing at all. im so done and frustrated because I started this school year with tons (6) of friends and now one of them hates me for sure. two of them I can't see anymore because they're closer to the one who hates me than me so I don't see them. I think two of them don't like me or think im annoying and don't want to spend time with me. that leaves one. I can't spend much time with her either because she spends most of her time with the girl that hates me and she's leaving at either the end of the semester or before next school year. just got to love having fake people in your life. I don't know what to do. I don't want to cut them out because I've cut out enough people from my life and its hard on me. I don't think I could make any new friends though since im so awkward and annoying apparently with other people.
im such a buzzkill. I need to lighten the fuck up and do something nuts. I have the urge just to go something that will make me seem cool or at least fun to be around. I need to stop caring so much about what people think of me and just do something that makes me happy because im really fucking unhappy.
i really hate myself.
