It's been a while. I thought that if I stopped posting that I'd get better but I just push people away and ruin relationships because I unload my problems onto people. So this is so much better because no one who doesn't care has to listen to my crap. A lot has happened since last time.. I had a job but I had to quit halfway through the summer because my step grandparents thought I was this horrible kid for reasons still unknown to me and they wouldn't let me try and fix it they just expected me to change overnight when I thought I was good enough. So I haven't seen my dad for two and a half months because of it and I miss him a lot but I don't miss them and I don't know how things are going to go when I see him next which is on Monday and I'm super nervous because I ruined everything. So now my parents are fighting and instead of working it out like adults I have to be the middle man and take the responsibility. I hate it and I wish that they could work through it on their own without involving me but of course I can't say anything like that because I'm just a stupid dumb child that has no say. I sometimes with that I was never in this situation but I also realize that because I didn't have to deal with the drama and stress of my parents separating so now I guess this is karma for getting it so easy through my childhood. Plus I had gotten really close with this guy and we both liked each other but less than a week later he's with some other girl and that's a huge ordeal and man I'm over it. He still wants to be friends and I'm the only one trying and it sucks. Today I was going to stop, I was going to give up with him but I decided not to because ya know what he's a decent guy sometimes and he deserves to be happy even if I'm not. But owell haha life goes on
