hide and seek // finn wolfhard

4/4

"see, Norah. you care and so do I. we were meant to be together. its inevitable to stay away from each other. so, please. please, let me redeem myself." he pleaded, his tear stained face making it hard to look at him.

I thought about it. I actually thought about it. but, then my senses came back and reality struck me like lightning. if Finn and I get back together...there will be a never ending chain of pain, pleasure, pain, pleasure. pain that I can't take any longer and pleasure that I can no longer accept as pleasure but, excuses.

so, I shook my head. not wanting to be taking advantage of again during my times of vulnerability.

"finn...I love you," I started off, my opening statement resulting in finn to shut his eyes tightly and pull at his hair. "no, no, no. you're going to say 'I love you, but we can't be together' which is bullshit! did you not just hear what you said? you care about me! you care about what I do and who I do it with! why can't you just accept that you still want to be with me!" he yelled in anger and frustration.

I didn't have a response. instead, I continued to shake my head as tear flooded my eyes.

eventually his sadness morphed into anger and disgust as he looked down at me, watching me closely. "yknow what you are? greedy. so goddamn greedy. and it's not fair. yes, I've done horrible things in the past but, who the fuck hasn't? but, the difference between the finn you see me as and the finn standing right in front of you is that, I'm trying." he stated, stopping to inhale deeply.

"and here I am thinking, maybe if I try hard enough, she'll take me back. but, clearly that's fucking bullshit. because you're telling me that you don't want me, but at the same time, you don't want me to be with anyone else? greedy. greedy, greedy, greedy. you can't do that. you can't tell me who I can and can't be with if you, yourself, don't want me. so, tell me, norah. right here, right now, do you want me or not? because I don't think my heart can take these mood swings of yours."

he told me, putting all the energy he had left into his argument, releasing a deep breath that he was holding in.

"I...I think you should go." is all I said. it's all I could collect at the moment. and at that same moment, seeing finn shutter and break down before me, was the clear answer of what I said was right or wrong.

finn said nothing. nothing at all. he didn't even move. he just stood there, starring at me, in complete shock and disbelief. almost as if his body was rebooting.

then, he collected himself accordingly and nodded his head slowly, walking past me, seconds later. and I watched. I watched as he walked towards the main door, resembling him walking out of my life, for the thousandth time now.
but, through these thousand times, this was the only time when it hurt me. physically hurt me to see him leave.

then, he stopped. he stopped at the door, his hand already gripped tightly on the knob, and looked over his shoulder, unable to look at me, but the floor.

"...tell paul I said hi." he said. then, he was gone.

and as paul promised, he was back and hour and fifty minutes later.

i then immediately ran to door, assisting him with the groceries he now carried in his hands. he smiled and ruffled my hair as he did so.

after putting away everything, and Paul and I made dinner, we sat behind each other on the leather couch in the living room and ate. but, during it all, I remained silent and long faced, allowing the events that occurred earlier that day, to still linger in my head.

"alright, what's up, kid? you haven't said one bad joke since I got back. I'm started to feel a little empty without them." he joked, causing me to let out a fake laugh in order to make paul believe that my sadness is just a phase.

"the rain...it makes me gloomy. but, have you heard anything from...them?" I said, quietly, picking at my food as I did so. my question then cause paul to clear his throat, shook by the sudden topic.

"them" being my mother and sister. after the shooting, after the bombing, after my fathers disappearance and the separation between my mother, sister, and I, I've only heard from them once. and that was only through paul. whilst I was still being hospitalized, paul and my mother had one last conversation. it was that she and my sister were going to be put under witness protection program and she believed it'd be best for me to stay with paul.

she thought—knew, that paul was the only real adult in this situation with the same mindset as I, making it much easier on me to grow and experience growing up with someone who's experienced the same things. she did, though, leave me with, and I quote, "a thousand and one kisses. until someone worthy enough can offer you more."

"...n-no...but I guarantee you, they're thinking about you as much as do them." he assured me, nudging my shoulder lightly. I then slightly smiled and looked up at paul, laying my head on his arm, resting my eyes for just a moment.

"thanks, Paul." I told him. "you're welcome, kid." he said in response. "oh, and finn said hi." I suddenly blurted out, remembering the last message the boy left me with. "what!"