It's Not Over

Chapter 15

One week later

Olivia's POV

Marcello had been brought back to New York to face charges so I went with Barba to discuss a plea deal with him.
"You're looking at life in prison so let's spare some time and take a plea." Barba told him.
"And miss Amanda's testimony? No thanks"
"Why are you doing this?" I questioned.
"I have to admire how loyal all of you are together despite all of you hiding dark secrets. I bet I know more about your detectives than you do."
"Are you taking the plea or not?" Barba tried getting back on topic, but was ignored.
"You know your partner Nick, he's got some secrets he keeps deep in his mind."
"What are you saying" I became intrigued.
"Liv don't buy into it" Barba warned.
I didn't listen.
"I got to know him quite a bit, both of them actually. I'll tell you, they're both pretty messed up."
"Just tell me what you know!"
He grinned.
"Alright."

Nick's POV

We finally got back home at around 9:30 at night and we were both exhausted.
"I'll go take a shower" Amanda stated and got up to go to the bathroom.
At quarter of there was a knock on my door. It was Liv.
"What are you doing here?" I asked confused.
"Can I come in?" She asked ignoring my question.
"Yeah sure. What is this about?"
"You said Marcello knew things nobody else knew about you. What were they?"
"It doesn't matter"
"I visited Marcello, I know what your father did to you when you were a child."
"Yeah I already told you he beat my mom he was a coward."
"No, I don't mean that. Nick, I know your father molested you when you were very young."
I froze when I heard the words.
"I think you need to leave" I finally said.
"Nick this isn't something that's gonna go away..."
"Leave, now"
"Okay okay, but if you ever want to talk..."
"I don't need you to listen to my problems. Leave"
She gave in.
"Alright." with that she left.
I sat down and put my head in my hands. I can't deal with this. I need to be strong, for Amanda. Despite desperately trying not to think I did. The memories of my father came creeping back.
"Hey" Amanda interrupted my thoughts.
"We're pickup up Apollo tomorrow right?" She asked.
"Yeah, yeah we can do that."
"You okay?"
"I should be asking you that question."
I was supposed to be there for her, I can't dwell on my stupid little memories. No, right now let's just leave it in the past.

It was 3am and I hadn't gotten one ounce of sleep. The sofa was as comfy as a wood plank.
"I really need to invest in another bed" I told myself.
Getting comfortable wasn't even the real reason I couldn't sleep, it was just the excuse I made up to ignore the real one. I'd always had nightmares about my childhood, but now that the past was brought to life every memory flooded back to my mind.
I was almost relieved to hear the door open and Amanda walk out. She was sleep walking and this gave me an excuse to ignore myself.
"Hey, come on let's go back to bed"
I tried to steer her back to the bedroom not knowing she had a shard of glass in her hand. Before I noticed the blood pouring out of her hand she sliced open my hand.
"Shit" I muttered and pulled it back.
Before she could jab the glass into me I grabbed her arm. I wrestled with trying to pry open her hand.
"No!" She cried.
I managed to get the glass out of her grip. Now was the more difficult task of waking her up. She got free from my grip and ran for the bathroom closing and locking the door behind her. I soon realized she was no longer dreaming.

Amanda's POV

Once I saw the blood dripping from his hand I knew what I did. I thought he was Jeff, but no it was all a dream. Now he must be pissed. I bolted to the bathroom and locked the door.
"Come on Amanda unlock the door."
The scenario playing out had happened before and the end wasn't pretty. Sure it hadn't been Nick on the other side of that door, but that didn't matter. Every guy was the same. Right?
"Look Amanda I'm not mad, just open the door."
My hand stung from the glass that I had cut myself with.
I closed my eyes and tried to remain as quiet as possible. Bang bang on the door
"Open the door Amanda" I swear I heard Jeff's voice say.
I fell to the floor and covered my ears trying to ignore him. I heard the door unlock. Fear rushed through me as he wrapped his arms around me. Was this it was I gonna die tonight?

Nick's POV

I debated leaving her be only to find that was a horrible idea. She had already harmed herself once what's stopping here from doing it again?
I picked the lock and found her with her knees to her chest covering her ears. I got down to the floor and pulled her into my arms.
"Shhh, it's okay" I said glancing at her bloody hand.
"I'm sorry" she whispered. "His voice, I swear I heard it."
"Who'd you hear?"
"Jeff" she said quietly. "Am I going crazy?"

Amanda's POV

"No" he replied to my question.
I hadn't noticed how painful my hand was until now that everything was calmed down. It stung like hell. He must've read my mind
"Come on, let's get that hand washed"

"You really should get stitches"
"No, I don't want to go back to a hospital."
"Okay have it your way."
He bandaged up my hand then his own. He must've caught my stare.
"It's nothing. You didn't mean to"
I looked down at the floor. I wanted to break down and tell him everything I was thinking, but the words wouldn't leave my mouth.
"Something's bothering you" he stated. "What is it?"
I stayed quiet.
"I want to help you, but I can't if you don't help me."
I soon found myself crying.
"I can't even look at myself anymore I'm so disgusted with myself, with what I did."
"You want to know who's really disgusting? It's the guys who did this to you. You didn't do anything wrong."
"You don't know what I did! What he had me do"
"Than tell me"
"I can't!"
We both went silent.
"I just can't" I said quietly.
He would never look at me the same if he knew what I did for Marcello. For anyone for that matter. Nobody would ever look at me the same.
"Okay" he said.
"I can't go back to sleep" I admitted. "Not when all I see is him"
"Than let's just watch TV."
I nodded.
"Yeah, let's do that."