Its a Little Complicated ( Solangelo / Nico Di Angelo)

chapter 10

I woke up gasping.

I had tears running down my face and all over the desks.

I didn't want to remember all of that. I spent so much time just trying to block it... He had died, Adry  died with three slashes on his right wrist, three on his sides and one of his left wrist. I remembered all those times we would talk about self harming.

How it wasn't just cutting he would do. He had burns and bruises. He had a scar on his neck... I tried to lift his spirits. Make him happy, but it wasn't enough.

Its my fault

When he died I fell apart. I blame myself . Alex- Alex tried bringing me to my senses but I just couldn't. I shadow traveled to his room. It was mostly blue and black. Different shades like him. I start rummaging through his stuff. I remember he said he has this one box hidden. He said it was in his closet and he keeps all his stuff in it.

I had opened it... It contained his blade... Small one. It was from a I big pencil sharpener that had broke. He would laugh at him self and say its pretty basic, but its the only thing that was easy to hide anywhere.

He had told me that if he ever did die, to take the box.

I close my eyes and get up and walk deeper into the the ground with a small tunnel. I enter another room illuminated by orange and red Cristal's . I open the box I brought with me. I remember I carried it around like my life depended on it.

His razors on my desk but his letter to me is here. His picture... His drawings of me... Little things we shared, fan art of bands, little cartoon shows... And some song lyrics. It was what he loved and what he shared with me.

I grab the letter with shaky hands and open it.

Dear angel,

I'm sorry you had to deal with me. I was winy and petty. I cried to much and I know hurting myself was killing you a bit too.

I loved you believe it or not. I was happy that I was the few you would open up too. How your family died. I'm so stupid. I tried to tell you that it's okay that you would have me. But I'm to selfish

It was to much for me. I know you had asked if I wanted to run away, but I was to scared. I was tired and scared. It was to much .

Sorry this is sloppy and everywhere .

I regret not taking your hand and running away. Now the kids at school have me pinned... They started blackmailing me again, and forcing me to do things I didn't want to. They had said that since I'm doing all the things willingly then it wouldn't be considers rape. It wasn't rape because I could have considered not doing what they forced me to do. But how could I have gotten out of it??? I couldn't, I couldn't I swear

Tears started to well up in my eyes again. I felt someone squeeze my heart onto a fist. Monsters.

Now I feel disgusted of myself and can't go a day were I just think of what I did. 
I hope you never have to hate your self like how I did. You don't like to admit it but your a softy.

Hopefully I see you in another life... But now I guess I go, there are a couple of more letters. Give them out for me please. To you I'll give my sketch books... Some of my band merch. Keep listening to them for me. Hopefully they'll save you.

You now have my thoughts in your hands and the things I see through my sketches.

I love you, stay alive

     Your selfish friend,
Adry

And that was it.

I stare at the paper. There are water marks all over it, but they weren't mine.

I really miss him. I miss him so so much.

I head back to were I was originally at.

I grabbed his blade and sat down. My heart is pounding with anxiety and I feel like I'm suffocating . I raise it up to my arm and-

I begin to carve my own skin.