Its a Little Complicated ( Solangelo / Nico Di Angelo)

chapter 17

The movie was great and funny... But I was able to feel Reyna's glances. It was late and i already bugged hazel on seeing her tomorrow. I was in my room and on my bed. I feel tired and drained even though it felt like i did nothing all day.

The cuts are more like scars and I'm relieved they didn't get infected. Wills kiss helped a lot. I lay down and covered myself with blankets. I was about to sleep when there was a knock on my door... "Come in." I sit up as Reyna opens and closes the door behind her.

Her mouth is strained to look straight. "Rey, it's okay," I say quietly. I motion for her to sit down. She slowly sits down on my bed a bit tense. I don't blame her... I already feel shaky and awkward. She takes in a breathe and grabs my hand. I tried really hard not to flinch away. Her touch was gentle but I feel like it could turn to iron if I move away.

She unwraps the bandages and there they are... She was silent for a moment. I decided to speak, " Will... Uh said that I should try-, try to talk about it with friends and family..." I said quietly. It's an odd feeling, but I keep thinking that she was going to yell at me. Like she was going to say I was stupid, I was disgraceful and weak. I was bracing myself for the blows... For me to run. My tenseness was back and I was just staring down at the warm blankets.

"Why?" She asks. Her voice wasn't angry, not sad. Why? I echoed her voice in my head... "Because..." My mind went blank. She waited, and the silence filled the room. It was suffocating. "I'm sorry" I let out with one of my short breaths. I'm trying to get air into my lungs. Gods I am so stupid. "Hey." She says as she noticed me becoming panicked. "Nico, if you don't want to talk to me you don't have to, but can I at least try to find you help?" I bring my hands up to my face. I try rubbing at my already watery eyes. 

"I - I felt like such Crap." I suddenly say. She looks at me questioning as if saying to go on. I let the tears fall as I try to continue on, "I didn't know what to do! I felt so lost in myself, and my head was just so bad. I hadn't done this in a long time, but I swear I just needed it. I just- I don't know." I hold my hands tightly together. I look down at them and hold still. I shouldn't have come, I should have just stayed, I should have stayed quiet, I- 

"Nico, it's okay." My eyes find hers. "I understand that you had to be in a terrible position in order to do this... I am your friend Nico, thank you for confiding in me. I know it must be hard to open up to me." Im surprised at her words... I take a moment to let them sink in before i speak again. " I did this before I came here... I thought no one would see," I let out a hollow laugh. "But will saw through me of course. He stitched them up in his own way..."   

"Well, at least i know he's treating you good." She replies with a smile. "yeah... He told me that i should try talking about it... to let people in." "that's not a bad idea, but make sure it is with people you are comfortable with. It's also important to make sure it isn't people who are most likely to hurt you." I nod at her words. "Are you planning on telling the rest?"  I sit there, thinking over her question.

"i want to... But I just don't know how." I said with a sigh. "well maybe we could sort of do a pack meeting?" I look at her confused. "Like invite your friends and sort of talk about it... If you want I could help you talk about it, well if you like." I took a moment to think about it. "When would this be, and where?" I ask. "Maybe around five, here."

I don't know. What if i can't tell them? "Again... It's only if you want to. If you want we could start differently. Would you want to take therapy?" I look at her and pause. After a while i say, "I do want to get help, but not like that. Just not right now... I'm going to try explaining everything tomorrow."

"Okay, I'll send out a message today. Get some rest"

With that,  I let the anxiety and worry fall to the pit of my stomach. I turn to my side and try to sleep, hoping the light on would keep away the nightmares. 

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sorry guys, just got done with senior year and now dealing with college BS. lol riii