Phil Lester
Dan's small, broken voice replays unforgivingly in my head as I quickly lock the apartment and rush down the stairs. The weather is getting colder now, and I am reminded of the fact as soon as I step out into my driveway, unwanted goosebumps rising on my skin. I probably look like a madman, running pathetically around my driveway to find Dan's car at two in the morning but I have never been sane when it comes to Dan.
I finally spot the black vehicle, hurriedly making my way towards it and I feel my chest physically hurt when I find his head leaning against the steering wheel and his body shaking slightly with sobs. I don't know why he is crying, or why he walked out, or why he called me and took back everything he said, but my concern for him overpowers the confusion of the situation and I tap my knuckles softly on the window.
I watch as his figure stills and he hurriedly wipes his eyes, his face turned the other way so I can't see him. It's a torturous minute later that he composes himself enough for his shaky fingers to unlock the door and as soon as he does so, I am desperately pulling the door open.
"Are you okay?" I sound just as panicked as I feel, and he bites his lip and sniffles before stepping out of the car. As soon as he is standing, I pull him to my chest, and even though he is taller than me, he seems so small and vulnerable as he rests his head on my shoulder and wraps his arms tightly around my neck.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it," He mumbles, and I press a kiss to his hair before pulling him closer.
"God Dan you're such a fucking idiot," I rub my hands along his back in order to comfort him and his breathing becomes more controlled by the second. "What happened? Why did you leave?"
"You left first," He accuses but there is no weight behind his words. He just sounds tired and sad, his face still buried into my shoulder and his fingers clutching the back of my shirt tightly.
"Yeah because you act so suspicious, who called you?"
"I don't know,"
"Dan, I swear to god—" I begin pulling away from him but he shakes his head and refuses, pushing himself closer against me before breathing out a loud sigh.
"I'm being honest, I don't know, it was probably someone asking if I was free to-to hook up, and I didn't want that to interrupt what we were doing," He says and I feel a strange warmth pool in my chest.
"So, you aren't cheating on me?" I mutter, probably sounding like an idiot and he pulls away from me just enough to look at me face. His fingers are cold when they grab my cheeks so I have to look at him, and I purse my lips in embarrassment. His cheeks are coloured a deep pink and his eyes appear dimmer through his wet eyelashes, his hair plastered to his forehead in a barely straight mess.
"Are you serious? What gave you that idea?"
"Why did you come back from that party so abruptly?" I can't help the insecure tone in my voice. God, I'm pathetic.
"Because I missed you," He states as if it is the most obvious explanation. "Because I am so hopelessly obsessed with you, because I like you and I would rather spend my time watching you breathe than go to parties and get wasted," He adds and I can feel the heat travelling to my cheeks and staining them pink. It's moments like these when his feelings are completely unguarded and his words sound so genuine and his eyes aren't shrewd when I realise he is the same Dan I knew two years ago. The same Dan who used to laugh so loud and who used to spend nights after nights awake with me playing on my old play station, the Dan he was before his personality got masked by parties and alcohol and hook ups.
"Is that why you walked out? Because you thought I would want someone else?" He asks and the heat travels from my cheeks down to neck and I'm pretty sure my entire face is flushed in a deeper tone of red than my bright red shirt.
"Yeah," I mutter, looking away from him and he surprises me by grabbing my chin and pressing his lips against mine. We haven't kissed like this before, where it isn't all lust and desperation. Right now as he kisses me I feel the reassurance, I feel the promise of changing, I feel everything that he and I fail to put in words.
"You're an idiot," He nudges his nose against mine and I shake my head, pulling away from him slightly before grabbing his hand.
"Come on, lock your car, you aren't going anywhere,"
--
happy holidays!!
