I don't want a real relationship but I don't want a fictional one

Chapter Fourteen: Complex

"What happened!?" 

Saya open the door seeing me how soak I am. I enter her apartment dripping wet. She quickly ran to her room grabbing a clean towel. 

I stand on her rug so I don't wet her floor. 

She came back with a towel. 

I put the umbrella on the side that I receive from Liam. 

I dry my hair with towel and pat down myself . 

"achoo!" I said. 

"uh-oh," Saya said. 

"I need to get out of these clothes." 

"Use my bathroom. I'll get a new pair of pajamas." 

I walk over to the bathroom holding the towel I have. 

I take off my clothes and enter the shower. 

*****************************************************************

"So, tell me. Why did you came home soak?" Saya ask while eating a bowl cereal. 

I put the towel over my shoulder while walking over to her kitchen getting a water bottle. 

"I couldn't go through with it." 

"The date?" 

"Adam was a guy who sleeps around with women for pleasure." 

"Are you mad?" Saya question. 

"Honestly, I didn't care if he did. I was about to actually....." 

I hear coughing from Saya. 

"You were about to sleep with him!?" Saya said. "Why didn't you?" 

I took sips of water. 

"I freaked out," I said. 

"don't tell me.....are you virgin?" She whispers. 

I spit out my water. 

"No!" I said. 

"Why did you freak out?" 

"I'm not use to dating, kissing and sleep with a guy that is probably has no interest with me, but sex." 

"is this a life crisis we suppose get at thirty?" 

"Saya!" 

"Sorry, sorry trying to lighten the mood. Maybe, you're not ready. You are so use to living alone and your adjustment to independence that seeing yourself with another person made you scared."

"I feel bad for ditching Adam like that."

"He probably went to a strip club," Saya said.

"I'll text him." 

"No way, do you want him crawling back?" 

"It's one apology. I'm not going to see him or ca-" 

My phone's ringing. 

I pick it up. 

[Adam] 

I yelp and put my phone on the table. 

"Adam!" I said. 

"What!" Saya stand up from her couch. 

"What should I do?" 

"don't answer." 

"I have to." 

"Why?"

I pick up the phone and press call. 

"Uh....Hi?" 

"Are you back at home?" He ask. 

"uh...yeah." 

"What was that about?" 

"uh...." I look at Saya watching me. "hold on a sec." 

I scurry myself to the bathroom and close the door. 

"Hey!" Saya said. "Let me listen" 

"Hello? are you there?" Adam ask over the phone. 

"Yes, I'm here." 

"You're really strange even in high school." 

"strange...." 

"I don't understand what just happened. I thought we have something." 

"um....we did, but it wasn't right." 

"Did I not kiss you enough or....not in the right place?" 

I can feel my face heating that he suddenly sound seductively over the phone. 

"No, it wasn't you. I....just." I pause. "I just.....not ready to move fast like you do." 

"......"

"I'm okay with the kissing, the touching and affection. Honestly, I haven't have that in awhile. I really enjoy it, but I feel like I was using you for my own gain to feel confident. Yes, I was attract to you because you were my old crush in high school. I couldn't see pass the present you today." 

"....."

"Adam?" 

"....."

"Adam? Hello?" 

"Call me if you need to be pleasure." 

[Call ended] 

He sounds mad at the last sentence before ending the call. 

I lean against the door and sliding down. 

I sat on the floor thinking staring at the sink. 

Maybe, I did dodge a bullet from sleeping with Adam. 

My thoughts are in scramble. 

I can't understand myself. 

There are times I don't give a crap about life and there is this that I'm freaking out on the bathroom floor in my coworker apartment. 

I don't understand.