sad multifandome (English)

i'm not okay

for as long i can remember i always had this void in my life. this empty feeling Deep, Deep indside of me that you can't guite shake no matter how hard you try it soft of consumes and eats away at you.

You'll have great happy moments and just when Things are fine, suprise! the feeling come back, it just matter of time the constat frustrastion to fill this void,something to ease the pain. what's the cause? nobody knows yet.

you feel the same sad emptines every singel day, it't leaves me feeling so empty and down like you're missing somthing somehow, something thats a big part of me, and once i have it i'll be happy.

i just need that one thing, this missing key, and when i get it i'll be complet. i've tride verything, friends, education, material stuff, but no matter how hard i try, it seem to be enough it sucks.

and i know people will tell me, that i just need to thing more positive or the solution to all of my problems is ife love. But it's not as simple as that, not when you've got to the point where you just fell numb.

i so badly want to fill my heart with so much happiness that is take all the sadness away, my childhood was so dark and angry that i always thought, in my adult life things would change. somehow i would no longer feel the same and dont things aren't as intense anymore but there's no denying that feeling is always there and it's somthing i can't exsplain.

i just wish it would go away i thought that i grow things would be different, i just thougt... that things would be different. you look at other people and they always seems so happy.

you know you observe people's lives whetner that be in person. social  media, TV and it seems to come to them so naturally. and i know all of that stuff can be misleading, but when you feel so empty, you can't help but think, why can't that be me?

cause you want that, you so desperately want that. and you feel like you're ding the right thing, you know you're hanging out with friends, talking abaout it, dancing to silly music and in the moment you feel great, you're in a good happy place.

but sooner later that happy feeling always goes away, and the emptines kicks in again. do i sound crazy? god i feel like i sound crazy.

i tend to feel a lote at night and that's when i wirte sometimes i'm so overhelmed with emotion i just cry. and i don't know why, it make me feel like there's something wrong with me and it's hard to admit, so it becomes lie and act like everythongs fine so tht what i say.

i say that i'm fine. eventy from my past still affect my aduit life. i lash out, feel down out of nowhere and i can't exsplain why. it just gets so messed up in my head sometimes, couse you can't escape it, not when it's happening in your minde.

so you beat yourself ane beat yourself up till you feel so small. sometimes you can be in a room full of people and still fell se alon, i can put on an act prerend to be tough but deep dowb i never quite feel brave enoughe.

you can feel so small in this big.big world that i feel like all i have are my words to keep my sense of controle thes poems they're like my therapy you know a way to release and pour my soul in hopes that it'll make me feel better and somehowfill thisemoty hole.

One day i well be abel to look back at everything and it won't hurt so much anymore, i well bw abel to look back at what happend and not feel so sore. cause there is no cure, there's no quick way to fix it, it's just something you learn to live with, but it'll get easier of that i'm sure.

you are not the demons in your mind, you are not the hurt and pain you feel on the inside. you're stronger than that, you can fight.

understand that it's all temporary and that these thing take time. so chin up breath allow yourself to feel, you're going to get through this, give it some time and you'll heal.