sad multifandome (English)

Depression

it's not that i don't want to be happy, it's a despite how hard i try, i can't bring myself to be happy. I feel suffocated, embarrassed, ashemed, why did i have to be that way? i've a great Family, amazing friends, good academic results, on paper everything is okay

yet all i ever seem to see is sadnes and grey, it's like there's this burden on me pulling me to the ground and however hard you try, i can't bring myself out, i can't bring myself to care, about anything. Not me, not him, not her.

Living has become the constant nightmare. And it's just not fair. Society will tell me to try yoga, go for a walk, listen to meditation. I tell them that this cannot be solved by exercise or meditation.

it's a disease that affects every aspect of my life, my Work, my relationships, my education and to this day despite my best efforts to exsplain i am always met with blind hesitation. People ask me "why are you always so sad?" i tell them that i don't know.

I don't know... What i do know is that i wake op everday feeling like absolutely shit and that that's become my norm. I'm affraid of the World, i affraid of putting my guard Down in the fear that i will be judged  for somthing i cannot control.

Were's the fairness of it all? Do you think i like ti watch myself fall? Into this hole of self hate, shame and loathe so i hide them and i put up a wall that's so hige, you will never se my pain or any of my flaws i create this character and she is perfect, she's invinvble.

And so i carro on to live these two lives, one for the puplic and one just for me late at Night, cos that easier than admitting you have a problem, and that's the problem. the stigma is real people and it will not go away until we realise that mental Health IS a big deal.

it's a hidden disease thats affecting so many lives, wake up and listen to the silent cries it's a kid that never speaks or the guy hwo's always is tired, the womanwho's to emotional the guy who just got fired cos he was absent a lot, he couldn't get out of the bed due to his mental Health but do you think any of his colleaggues knew that  course not.

depression is the hell inside of me and it's eats me up daily.