sad multifandome (English)

I'm depressed

Depression, it's always gonna be there.
So it's gonna be in my head
Like I can take pills for that, but it's always gonna be there
And that's why I hate it so much, because it's so god damn unpredictable,
Like I can be completely fine now
And then like... wake up the next day
Or like literally seconds later something triggers me and I will freak out.

I will lie in bed
I will cry
And literally like...
depression is what it looks like in the movies
It's... closed curtains
Being in bed all day
Not wanting to go out
And you know when you have anxiety as well
Like you know, you're scared to go out

There was many times where I couldn't
Where I would pee in my bed
Because I was too sad to get the fuck up
And go to the bathroom
It's just so frustrating
Like it really frustrating
Like how to like
Just lie in your filth because you don't give a shot about anything
Because you can't give a shit about anything
Because nothing fucking matters

And it's just sucks
Because
It's neurotic
So things matter
Things... you care about things
But you can't at the same time
So you're stuck in this in between
And it's like
You don't care enough to go outside and meet with friends

But you care enough to like
You know
To be alive!
It's just... I'm sorry.. it's just really frustrating
It's like I fucking hate depression
Like, I would kill it. Like why is it even here?
It's just horrible because it's always gonna be here and it's never gonna go away.

Things are just shit, things are really shit and even if everything's okay like feel stupid for being so ungrateful because I am grateful it's just... I can't predict what going on you know like, I have had to cancel a lot of things because I was too depressed to even give a shit.

You just don't wanna see yourself living another day it's just I remember when my depression was really bad, cause it's way better now. And it was like I couldn't, it started if where I couldn't see myself in the next month,
Or I couldn't see myself in a weeks time.

And then it started to come, where I couldn't even see myself tomorrow morning I couldn't even see where I would be in the next hour that's when you know my suicide attempt happened cause it's just I couldn't freaking see it.

If I don't love myself then nobody will and that's the sad truth about it and that's what I'm trying to do now I'm trying to be honestly, if you have a depression, be selfish I know that's bad but it's be selfish thank of yourself, you gotta care about yourself like honestly like I would just you are the most amazing person you can be

The most important relationship you can have with anybody is yourself so you just.
There you go...
I just I wanna fucking I just wanna fucking die right now
I just wanna be here
I wanna be alone