Author Games: The Absent Empress

Finals: Reason

To destroy is to forget.

That was the last thing the Empress said to Amanda. The look on her face--that blank, half-dazed stare, followed by the sigh, the twist of her head, the twirl of her hair. A desk, full of paper, knives, and a canister full of either water or whiskey--she wasn't about to sniff it and find out. She's a wreck. Mentally, Amanda chuckled. This place is a wreck. The Empress's voice stroked the room, leaning against the walls, slipping through the windows. Loud and soft danced together, fulfilling a prophecy and leaving the ghosts behind. There, everything was calm. Two women, talking gently.

"I hate to admit it but you're right, Amanda. To destroy is to forget." For a second, there seemed to be a smile. A story of chains and lies. Background noise, forgotten in the destruction of the past. Then the noise of a phone ringing, the dismissive hand, and Amanda was gone, out of the office.

It was a blessing and a curse, leaving. Am I really doing this? Can I just do this? Leaving had become something that she'd never expected while remaining something that she'd wanted. I guess I have to now. It's too late to go back. Leaving had become something whole. A new disguise to slip into. A new tale, one that read: never answer any questions, never finish anything. Just keep walking. Where? Forever away from an office.

Forever away from reality.

If Amanda knew one thing, it was that nothing good ever came when people forgot. That was why she tried so hard to remember--every detail of leaving. Watching more and more die until just the five remaining. And then...not even that. Disbanding was fun, in a way. To watch the world lose hope. To watch people fail. Even so, something inside felt wrong, like each step drew her further away from anything she could ever become. This was a mess. Everything...everything in this world is just a mess. Yet here we are. A grand disaster.

She was leaving herself. Why? Because--that was all she had. A simple word. One that honestly meant nothing. A word that was blank, void, gone. Because. A word given by mother to daughter. A passing sentiment from a hand to a dropped gun. A hug goodbye. A sigh. A kiss on the cheek to an old friend.

Because. It was the word she gave Carol when she resigned. It was the word she gave Kenith when he wouldn't let her go. That was what she told King, that stupid kid, as he walked outside. It was what he gave back. Two stories bypassed on to different roads. He was a mess too, wasn't he? That smile didn't seem too messy. A good mess. With Maanyo, with Nora, the other two remaining, the because was an unspoken nod, a known 'goodbye' followed by a new 'hello'.

And god, didn't life feel weird?

Don't ask and they wouldn't tell--at least, that was the plan. Nothing really stayed according to the plan. Everything that Amanda had ever set up for herself had failed. Yet, in that failure, came something that wasn't irritation or anger. It was just...because. So there she sat, resting her leg against the wall and stretching, feeling that blissful 'just finished yoga' pop.

The door opened and a face peered in. "You done?" The intern was new--a cute girl with stripes in her hair and fire that scorched up her body. She wouldn't last long--they usually didn't. "I'd like to use the training room if you are, that's just it. Sorry. So?"

"So?" Amanda placed a hand on her hip and glared. The girl flinched. "Yeah, I'm finished."

"Thanks, Reason."

The door closed as she walked out of it, passing by the girl with a nod. Staying felt weird. It felt rough. Like her body wasn't worth it. Like leaving everything else, leaving her life, leaving the retirement she'd been so eager for, wasn't worth it. But leaving the rest of their pathetic little union without anything? Project Phoenix, like all damn birds, died. It melted to the ground. From the ashes, a babe remained. Sitting and playing in the dirt. Uncertain.