liv·ing
ˈliviNG/
noun
1.
Alive
2.
an income sufficient to live on or the means of earning it.
3.
the pursuit of a lifestyle of the specified type.
Do you think you lived and fulfill everything you wanted in 2017? No.
Did you feel dead at any point in 2017? Yes, more than feeling 'alive'.
That was the last questions my therapist asked me in my recent sessions. And all my answers were... No.
If I'm being brutally honest then I'll say 2017 was a bitch.
The year started off horrible, got better, then completely went downhill. And these past couple of months just been- I can't even find word. Dreadful, awful, terrible, shocking, appalling, horrifying. I just can't pick!
I've lost intrest in the daily things I loved to do like: reading, writing, dancing. And i think some of you guys might of noticed to.
I became more agitated, discontent. I socially isolated myself- not like I haven't done it before. But the worst of them all is that I thought about taking my own life. And at one point I tried to. It started with cutting and then- I don't think we need to get into details.
I didn't want to tell anyone; until I finally did. I've been clinically diagnosed with depression and now I'm getting help but I still feel the same... Empty.
Do I think 2018 will be my year? Hell NO!
Let's face it, the worlds going to shit. But will I try to put in and effort, to be happy? Yeah, I'll try.
The moral of ALL this is just to say that 2017 definitely wasn't my year, and that 2018 might not be my year either. And I don't usually make New Year's resolution but here's mine. My New Year's resolution is that I won't give up. That no matter how hard it get, I'll continue to keep fighting. That when I feel like ending it all I'll come back to this post- and if you guys did, read some of you guys uplifting comments to keep going. My New Year's resolution is to keep fighting!
2017 might not have been my year, and 2018 might not be mines either but I hope it yours. Theirs 12 chapters and 365 chances. Take and experience them ALL
HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR.
-SINCERLEY SEA
