gone. - DISCONTINUED.

{25}

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!"

Breathe. Breathe. Pant. Pant. Panic.

"You're gonna be okay, just relax...where is he?!"

Forehead wipe. Breathe. More panic.

"He's on his way now...can she wait a little while longer?"

No. No no no no.

"NO. NOW. RIGHT NOW."

But that was all I could remember.

[The Day Earlier]

I sat upright on the bed, keeping two pillows behind my back and a pillow underneath my knees. It was a technique that Brittany showed me for whenever I felt pain in my back. It was now April, which means it got hotter in the spring in LA than it did in the east. Which also meant the 60 degree winter turned into a 80 degree spring. I kept the fan on high, keeping one by the bedside and another plugged up near the actual bed, while having the central AC blowing. The room had essentially turned into an ice box, or a meat freezer of some sort, but I still managed to find a way to become hot. I was flicking through TV channels, trying to find something to entertain me on the dot so that I wouldn't have to get up from the bed and walk over to one of the bookshelves to read something I've read over a thousand times since December. Not that it mattered much, but getting up and sitting down and motion in general became such a struggle for me that even the thought of moving was exhausting.

I had been in the room all day, or at least since I woke up, which was 10am Pacific. It was almost 2 now, which hasn't bothered me the least that I still hadn't gotten up to brush my teeth or eat something. The guys were out when I woke up, which was easy to tell even if I hadn't looked at the note Rakim left on the bedside table. I sighed, eventually giving up on the television and took a breath, moving the covers off of my legs and suddenly feeling the cold. I let my legs over the bed, squinting and leaning forward a bit to see my feet touch the ground barely above a centimeter. I turned and got up, groaning some as I suddenly had the urge to pee. "You are going to kill me sooner or later, move." I poked at my belly, trying to get her to free my bladder from the pressure some. I waddled my way into the master bathroom, leaving the door wide open as I used the bathroom and did my usual hygiene routine, taking about 20 minutes longer than what it used to take me in the beginning.

I didn't bother putting on anything fancy, just a tank top and a silk robe, before taking a few minutes to slide a pair of socks on my feet and a minute to get back out of the arm chair by the closet, waddling to the door and out of the room. It didn't feel like 9 months had gone by, yet it had, and I was poking out of every angle possible. Everything either irritated me at this point, made me cry, or put me to sleep, and as much as I tried not to for the sake of them being them, I complained about every little thing under the sun. Not that I had much to complain about--my needs were being met, I was randomly given money without having to ask for it, I was fed without having to ask, given books--but I still found the time in my day to complain about something. I tied my robe underneath the curve of my belly, waddling into the kitchen to see Yazmin and Laylani sitting on top of the counter, talking and eating. Yazmin paused the conversation, looking up at me and smiling as I entered the room. "Did you sleep well?" She asked and I let out a dry yawn, nodding slightly and shrugging. "We would've brought food to you but we didn't wanna wake you up or bother you."

"Or get a shoe thrown at us like the last time we woke you up." Lay snickered, shoving a piece of bacon in her mouth and wiped her hands on her napkin. "I've been up since 10, all you would've gotten was a complaint.." I bent forward slightly to look through the fridge, frowning at seeing nothing appealing until Lay took a plate out of the microwave beside her head, handing it to Yazmin to hand to me. "Thanks." I smiled slightly, setting my plate down on the table before waddling back to the fridge to get a water bottle, sitting back down and drinking half of it's contents before turning towards my plate, scarfing the food down as quickly as it was given to me. I heard Yazmin chuckle a little, sitting beside me. "You look like you're gonna pop soon..." She noted to me, nodding towards my belly and I took a moment to swallow my food, nodding my head. "Are you ready?" She asked, taking a sip from her coffee mug and I sighed in exhaustion, leaning back in my seat and putting my feet up. "Material wise--yes. Mentally and emotionally, I'm gonna have to say nah." I ran my fingers through my hair as she leaned forward, placing her hand on my belly. "Is it bad that I can't wait?" She asked me, giggling as she felt a flutter of kicks.