gone. - DISCONTINUED.

{27}

"Damn...this shit legit bruh."

There were murmured comments all throughout the room while I was in the separate hall packing up the small diaper bag, but Ferg's stood out the most. I set the sleeper down, walking to the doorway and peeking my head in just as Laylani smacked Ferg in the arm. "You gon' stop cussing at my baby. She ain't even been here 10 minutes yet and you already trying to corrupt her." She scolded, giving him a crude look before it was replaced with a wide grin, as she leaned into the carseat, softly touching Shaela's hands. "I've been waiting months for you!" She cooed softly. I smiled a little to myself, I still felt weak even though it had been about 4 days since I was in the hospital. But already, I was starting to fall back into place--or my old self at least, as I finished packing the diaper bag and zipped it up, setting it on the bed before walking into the living room, where the small crowd remained around Shae.

"Okay, okay, give her some room..." I waved my hands to shoo them, placing a burp cloth on my shoulder before unbuckling and taking her out of her carseat, holding her gently and patting her back as she began to fuss, shushing her in her ear. "Do you need any help with anything?" One of Illz's new comfort girls Cali asked me, after coming out of the kitchen and wiping her hands on a towel. I shook my head quietly, taking a seat with Shaela still in my arms. Cali was a nice girl and everything, but like before, it always took me a few quiet spells before I finally got comfortable with someone new. For a little while, the small crowd of fans Shaela received had moved to the couch where I was sitting there feeding her, with plenty of comments and coos being made. It wasn't long until we heard the front door swing open, and we saw none other than Rakim trudging up the steps, hands full of bags and suitcases. He threw them down, which caused me to start disliking again, and sat in one of the arm chairs as if he were exhausted. "I know y'all and that hot ass breath better back the fuck up."

Laylani lifted her head up to also give him a disapproving stare, which he sucked his teeth at. "My bad. Ain't like she gon' remember the time she was 4 days old and she heard her daddy cuss or some s--something." He frowned at having to which up his words, which I kept quiet at, looking up between Lani and Rakim as they debated on the topic. "Okay, but once you start, you not stopping." She simply shook her head, going back to holding Shaela's hand in her fingers. I finished feeding her the bottle, wiping at her chin with her bib before sitting her upright, laying her on my shoulder to burp her. Brittany smiled as she watched, turning her head towards Rakim. "Have you held her yet?" She asked him and he nodded, also watching us. "The first time he was scared to.." I admitted, peeking up at him while I continued to pat Shae's back. The girls giggled while he cut me side eye, and I just shook my head, going back to what I was doing. "Well, that's a good thing." Laylani said finally, leaning back against the couch. "At least the way I see it."

We all sat in the living room still, just discussing things in general, and one of the main ones were how much things were gonna be different now. I didn't contribute much to the conversation, which would've been normal had I been my usual self for the past couple of months. Regardless, I still sat with them and listened, thinking about the same exact thing. Halfway into the conversation, Rakim stood up, and looked at me as if he wanted me to follow him. I carefully handed Shaela over to Laylani, who took her as gently as possible before standing up, leaving the burp cloth with her and wiping my hands on my pants, walking across the room and out the door to where Rakim was in the hallway, leaning against the hall with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

We didn't say anything to each other at first, and I blinked, wondering why he called me here in the first place if he didn't have anything to say to me. Then, before I started to turn around, he took his hands out of his pockets. "You got everything?" He spoke finally, and I blinked again, nodding my head carefully. "It's paid for?" I asked him, crossing my arms and rubbing them slightly. "Yeah. They got shit set up for you whenever you go." I took a moment, nodding in understanding before looking down, twisting my face. "Can I not go...?" I asked him quietly and I heard him suck his teeth lightly. "No. I told you why you had to." "You could always stop." I mumbled to myself, feeling irritable with him already and waving him off slightly. He grabbed at my arm, making me look at him. "Do I look like I can get one of those normal ass jobs to you?" He asked me seriously, and I tried not to react, though inside I started to feel panic for some reason. "Do I look like someone a fucking white CEO would hire to you?" He asked me again, looking at me for an answer before continuing. "We live in the fucking hood of LA. Not all of us appeal to white people as easily as you do." He let me go, and I kept staring at the floor, not saying anything. "Get your stuff."

He went down the hallway, assuming to the patio to go smoke or make a phone call, and I stayed in the same spot, not bothering to watch him leave. I slowly walked to the room, getting the small bags that I had packed. I still had a lot of the clothes saved here, because while I was no longer living in the house, I still had to stay there. I picked up my bags and Shaela's, grabbing all my books off of the dresser and the bookcase and shoving them into an empty pocket in my bag before bringign them all to the hallway, sitting down and waiting for him to come back. He walked back inside after a few minutes, grabbing my bags and going back outside, leaving the diaper bag with me. I kept my head low, messing with my hands while I waited for him to come in.  I was lost in my thoughts for a minute before I saw a tissue in my face. I took it hesitantly, looking up at him slightly before wiping my face, standing up as he walked back inside of the living room.

"Aye." He called, getting everyone's attention away from the baby. "Look, we got something to say." They all looked up, waiting on what was to be said. I looked back down at my shoes, feeling shy of all the eyes on me. "So, we just wanted to say that, while she been here for a while." He gestured towards me, and I looked away from him, and instead at Shaela. "Haze ain't really gon' be staying with us for a minute." He spoke, and I noticed everyone's faces look confused, and Laylani looked from me to Rakim, getting alarmed. "Tell me you're not..." She looked at him urgently and I shook my head. "No, no..it's not like that.." I began, and she sat back, waiting impatiently for an answer. "Well...me and him were talking about it, kind of, and he doesn't think it's safe for me to be living here. Around all of this." I explained, motioning towards the room. "So he wants me to stay at a place owned by one of his associates." I spoke quietly, messing with my shirt. "You're...coming back, right?" Brittany asked, looking concerned, and we both nodded. "I'm still gonna be here...just not living here." "And she not gon' be working for a while either so Cali and Essence, y'all better be on fucking point." Rakim added, narrowing his eyes at the comfort girls of Illz and Ant. They both perked up, nodding quickly and I tried not to frown, imagining being out of a job that I knew damn well I hated.

"You sure you don't just want her staying with one of my aunt's or my cousins?" Laylani asked, and he cut her a look, which she gladly gave him back, before sighing, throwing the hand she wasn't using to hold Shaela in defeat. "Well...when are you leaving?" I shrugged, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "Whenever." She simply nodded. "I'd rather you stay here honestly. But if it means safety, then..." She started, and I nodded back at her. I walked past Rakim, again not looking at him, but this time out of slight fear rather than dislike. I sat beside Lay, putting my chin on her shoulder as I looked over at Shaela, watching her sleep in her arms. Conversation around me resumed, Yazmin left to go cook, a couple of the boys had weight to push, so it ended up being a few us, minus me and Lay, who got lost in the world of Shaela quickly.

"At least she looks like you.." She spoke softly, eyeing her features. "And a bit of him." I moved to rest my head comfortably on her shoulder, sighing. "I don't wanna go." She glanced back at me, then at her. "It's not fair to you." She said quietly. "To have to move back and forth with her. And you need to be recovering." I just shrugged, indicating that I wanted to let go of the topic. She understood, and used a hand to hug my head close, sighing with me too. It wasn't like I was going anywhere permanently, but I was getting tired of moving honestly, and even more tired of being tired. All together, I was just tired, and I was still nothing but a teen. Tired.