EVERMORE ; SM

Ten

"Cause after all these years, I still feel everything when you are near..."

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After dinner, I text Shawn that we still live in the condo, even though he might already know that. I knew Geoff was acting weird, I'm going to kill him.

Shawn and I will  meet tomorrow morning while Kailani and Dylan are in school so they  don't see us.

"Mummy, why were you so angry earlier today? Are you mad at us for something?" Kailani carefully says with a sweet worried voice and I laugh ilently.

"Of course not, sweetie. I'm just stressed because of work" I say gently.

"Oh, good luck then" Dylan adds.

"Thank you, I'm sure I will need it" I give him a closed mouth smile.

I kiss their foreheads and walk out of their room.

"Good night, babies" I say as I turn off the light.

"Sweet dreams, mummy" they say at the same time and I close their room's door.

When I'm in my room already, I change into my pyjamas slowly. I start to think everything that has happened since he ran away, how much my kids have grown, how far I've come with being a single mum -with Lena's help, can't take credit away from her- how much I've missed him but also how much I've tried to move on from him and at the end I did get over him, at least that's what I think, how alike to him my kids are even though they didn't meet him. Genes are strong as hell for sure. I can't get out of my head the fact that Kailani's first word was 'daddy', when Dylan defended her when the kids in her class bothered her with her dad, that he even smells like him!

"Come on, think about the grocery list or something" I whisper to myself "Or try to remember the dialogues of Letters to Juliet" I close my eyes sharply, tired of not being able to get him out of my head.

I try  to fall asleep but I just couldn't get out of my mind the fact that I'll be seeing Shawn tomorrow. The guy I haven't seen in six years, the one that dumped me because his career was more important than the twins, the guy who I was madly in love with, the one that hasn't got out of my head because his music and face are everywhere and because I have two little pieces of him walking around my house all day and saying "Mummy, do we have a dad? Where is daddy?" What the hell am I supposed to answer to two six year old kids that have no idea that their father is a famous singer?

What does he want to talk about? Why now? Why does he appear all of a sudden after six years? Did he ever stop loving me? Did he love someone else? Did he sleep with someone else? Did he kiss another lips? Did I cross his mind at least once after he moved away? Did he regret leaving me? Was leaving me a living hell for him just like it was for me? Why is he doing this? Shit, I guess I've gone mad.

After hours of trying to fall asleep, I decide to watch some TV, maybe that will make me tired and I can finally get some rest.

Three hours later of watching Vampire Diaries, I finally get to close my eyes.

[...]

"Good luck, babies" I say to my kids when we got to their school, even though I'm saying that more for me than for them.

"Thank you, mummy" Dylan says.

"We love you" Kailani adds before getting into the building.

I wave at them and when I lose sight of them, I walk back to my car and drive to the condo.

I take off my pants and hoodie and get into the shower. Shawn is supposed to be here at 10.30, it is barely 8.00 in the morning and I'm already getting ready.