the fault in your scars (Demi Lovato Fanfic)

chapter one

----------------------2008-------------

 demi's pov

 May 3th the day that my baby girl will be born and the day that I have to let her go.

 "Push, Demi, Push" the doctor told me but I couldn't do it anymore. it hurts. it hurts a lot. this hurt even more then the pain of the blades. 

maybe it's the pain that you deserve Demetria

 for fuck sake why does that voice has to be in my head when I am in a hospital giving birth.

 "come on Dems, come on baby you can do this." my mom hold my hand thigh and looking in calmy eyes gives me strenght to push one more time.

"good job ,Demi, one last push." can that doctor please shut his mo... "AAAAHHH" I scream and with everything that's in my I push for the last time. I hear the soft cries of a baby. my baby. my baby girl. they lay her in my arms. I look in the face of a perfect baby. she's so beautiful. my little girl. I can't believe that I have to let her go. tears are welling up in my eyes."Nina Savannah" I look at the doctors and my mom. "that's her name, please tell her adoption parents that that's her name."

they nod and take Nina out of my arms and walk away with her. I start crying hysterically.

"they can't take her away from me ,mom, they can't"

mom  wraps her arms around me "shh ,baby, shh"

I slowly calm down. ofcourse they can take her away from me, they have to. who want a kid to grow up with a sixteen year old selfharmer who dont eat and is alcohol and coke addicted. coke. coke is all I need right now.

---------- 14 years later---------

Alice's pov (Nina's adoption mom)

"why won't you let me do that? why won't you let me go? you know it's been my biggest dream for years?" I look into Nina's big brown ,now angry, eyes.

"I can't let you go to a Demi Lovato meet & greet because it is to expensive and I already paid the concert tickets for you." 

"I will pay it myself." she yells hopeless. I know this is all she want and I really want to let her go but I just can't.

"Nina stop it, I just don't allow you to go."

"fuck you mom, I hate you! you know how much Demi means to me. she's my angel, my star, my everything" tears replace the anger in her eyes as she run away.

I sigh and sit myself down on the couch. I massage my forehead. I know how how much she wants it but if Nina knew the real reason why i I won't allow her to let her go to the Demi Lovato meet & greet she probably don't even want to go. she will hate Demi Lovato as much as she hates her biological mom.

 Nina's pov

"fuck you mom, I hate you! you know how much Demi means to me. she's my angel, my star, my everything" I runn away with tears streaming down my cheeks. I thought she would understand.

I lay down on my bed and let the tears stream. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her. well, for now. I don't really hate her. my parents are the sweetest persons on this planets. I do love them. but it just that she know how much Demi means to me and she still don't allow me to go to a meet & greet. why don't she understand that this is my only chance thank demi for all that she has done for me? and I really need to thank her that she was there for me when nobody else was. ofcourse my parents have always opened there door for me, my friends are always there for me but with Demi it is different. I felt some connection with her when I heard from her for the first time. I can always talk to her and yes she talks back to me and no not in real life but with her speeches, her quotes, her interviews, her tweets. I believe that on one day she can heal my scars. she can heal the scars where my mom the fault from is. my mom is the fault in my scars.

my mom. I have no idea who she is. My parents know it and they are allowed to tell me when I'm eighteen but I really don't wanna know who she is. everything I know about her is that she gave me away like I am some garbage and maybe she's right with that. maybe she felt it when she was pregnant from me. maybe she knew that I was turning out like some piece of shit. maybe she knew I was going to self-harm. maybe she knew that I was going to purge everytime I had eat something. maybe she knew that I was gay. maybe she knew I would hide all of this secrets for everyone. I can't blame her. I am a worthless piece of shit who doen't deserve a biological mom. 

I walk to the bathroom and pick up a razor and break it. I walk back to my room and stand in front of the mirror.

your own mother doesn't want you because you are some worthless, fat, piece of shit. you're a loser who isn't even able to ask for help. you deserve pain. you don't deserve a biological mother. you don't deserve anything

the voice in my head makes my decide to slice the pieces from the razor over my wrist. first the left wrist. then the right wrist. then my stomach. then my thights and my hips. I stop when the voice in my head is away and the pain on the inside is over. this is it. this is all I deserve.

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heee guys,

I know this is kinda short but this was just to introduce this story a little bit. I don't know where I will take this story. It is just some impulsive idea but I just had to write it. anyways tell me what you think about it! 

xx Maritha :)