So darling, just you shut your pretty mouth [jalex]

I created a monster, a hell within my head

Set it off nightmare

//mentions of self harm//

A week later nothing had changed. Everyone was still scared of me, I was still depressed and Jack was still dating me. We made the decision to tell my parents I was gay and dating Jack before stopping hiding it from the school. I thought it would be easy when we first spoke about it, I didn't care what people thought about me before, why would I now? That's until Jack went home. Now I'm lying in my room letting tears fall down my face while I worry about every possible thing that could go wrong.

What if my parents hate me? What if I'm kicked out the house? What if they found out already and are mad I didn't tell them? What if they stop me seeing Jack? What if they hate Jack? I'm scared.

I don't like being scared. When I'm scared I'm not in control. Telling the school was different, they are scared of me. I have a power over them. I have control. With my parents it's not like that. They control where I live, my money, everything. They could kick me out the house leaving me with nothing. If they wanted they could pack up and move forcing me with them. Forcing me away from my friends. Forcing me away from my reputation. Forcing me away from Jack.

That's how I ended up in my room crying with fresh cuts on my wrists and even more on my hips and thighs while my parents where down stairs watching tv. They both got off work early tonight so I should have taken the opportunity to tell them but I can't.

"Alex. Sweetie." I look up from my pillow to see my mum standing in the doorway, she probably heard me crying and decided to check on me, it can't be nice her seeing me like this, sometimes I think that's why she works so much, "Let's get you cleaned up and we can talk about what's upset you."

"I need to tell you and dad something but I'm scared how you will react." I sniff before letting my face hit the pillow again.

"I promise you I won't get mad." I felt her sit at the end of my bed, "Whatever it is. If you are in trouble I'll help you. I promise."

"I'm not in trouble." My voice was muffled by the pillow.

"You can talk to me." She said, "Do you want to wash your face, clean up your arm and come down and talk to us."

"Yes." I feel the weight at the end of my bed lift.

"I'll come check on you if you aren't down soon." She left my room shutting the door behind her, when she was gone I sit up and look at myself in the mirror.

My face was red and blotchy from the crying. My eyes where swollen. My hair was sticking up weirdly, I attempted to flatten it with my hand as best as I could but I knew it needed brushing. My arms where the worse of me. Of course they where. My arms where bad anyway with all the scars and cuts littered on them but in addiction to that their was now dried blood  I needed to wash off. I looked like a depressed mess. I am a depressed mess. I grab Jacks jumper that I refuse to return, he has mine so it's only fair and walk towards the bathroom to clean up.

After washing my face attempting to calm the redness I clean up my arms using only water as not to irritate it. I then throw Jacks jumper on. Despite my parents knowing about my self harming I don't really want them seeing it and I'm sure they would rather not see anyway.

I walk downstairs and sit myself down on my usual chair in the living room attempting to make myself as small and invisible as possible in the hope I'll be ignored. It didn't work. I knew it wouldn't work. My parents don't ignore me when I'm perfectly fine so why would they ignore me knowing I have something I need to tell them? My dad muted the tv and they both look at me waiting for me to speak. When I open my mouth instead of words coming out like I intended I start crying again.

"Alex I promise we won't be angry with you." My dad said, "We love you."

"I know." I choke out while trying to get my sobbing under control, "I've just not been feeling good lately and I'm stressed because I need to talk to you."

"I promise whatever it is it will be fine."

"I know." I finally manage to stop crying again, my parents don't usually see me in such a state as I ask to be left alone so this must be quite a sock to them, "I'm gay and dating Jack."

After I manage to spit the words out I start sobbing again. I don't yet why I'm so worked up over this, I was nervous when I let the school know but nowhere near as bad as this. If anything that should have been scarier. When I told Rian and Zack I was gay I didn't feel anything at all. Why am I such a mess?

"Is that is?" My dad asked and I just nodded, "Thats what you got yourself worked up over?"

"Yeah."

"I really don't care who you date as long as your happy." My dad said, I could hardly see through my tears, "And I'm sure your mum agrees."

"I do."

"Jack seems to be really good for you."

"He is." I choke out trying to control my tears.

"Well then we are happy for you." I wiped my tears on Jacks hoodie, "Invite Jack over for dinner tomorrow. He's here most the time anyway so I wouldn't be surprised if he was already coming over."

"Okay." I sniff, "I'm going to go text him now. I promised I would tell him how it went."

"We love you." My mum said, I wiped my eyes again as I walked upstairs.

I told them-Alex

And?-Jack

It went fine-Alex

What did I tell you?-Jack

I know-Alex

They invited you to dinner tomorrow-Alex

That's stressful-Jack

They already love you so it's fine-Alex

I'll come over around mid day so we can spend time together before-Jack

You're amazing-Alex

Authors note

I nearly posted this without my authors note because I'm so sleepy.

Hugs, kisses and peace ✌🏻