So darling, just you shut your pretty mouth [jalex]

I don't wanna wake up when i'm dead

Roam flatline

"I don't wanna wake up when I'm dead"

// self harm and suicide//

|||important authors note at the end|||

"Alex you have to go in." My mom told me over breakfast, I was eating a pop tart ignoring my mums pleas for me to get dressed and go into school, I did promise her but I changed my mind, "You was fine yesterday what changed?"

"I changed my mind." I shrugged before running my finger over my scars, the stitches got taken out a few days prior, "Don't want to anymore."

"Jack's on his way over." My mom attempted to change my mine but I just shrugged and carried on eating, "Alex I'm not one of your teachers I'm your mother and you can't act like this towards me."

"I don't want to go in."

"You said you would so I'm able to go back to work." My mum tapped her heels impatiently, I know I did promise her and she does need to go back into work but right now I really don't feel like it, I don't want to face everyone yet, I'm not ready, "And Jack's on his way over."

"Hmm." I hum looking at the cuts on my arm that are mostly healed but leaving huge scars in their place, I took off the bandage to shower once they took the stitches out and never put it back on, I don't see the point.

"Let's put on ur bandage before Jack shows up." I still ignore my mom and look at my arm, it's fascinating, it's also strange how I love to look at the beautiful raised scars on my arms when most people wouldn't be disgusted by them, instead I love them and love the pain that comes with them, "Alex?"

"Give me a minute." I run my fingers gently over the scar before looking at my mom, "Okay I'm done now you can put it on."

I watch as my mom wraps the bandage around my arm covering the scars with the thick white bandage. It doesn't make them any less obvious, if anything it's more. A cut or scar that can be mistaken, ignored, forgotten about. A bright white bandage on the other hand can't be, you know it's their. Everyone is going to know.

The door bell rings just as my mom finished pinning the bandage in place. I hop on the counter dangling my feet off the edge and bite my nails. I know Jack is about to walk through that door and see me. He would see how numb I'm feeling in a second, I wouldn't even have to talk and he would know.

I wish I was as dead as I feel.

Jack walked in the kitchen smiling, he was wearing black skinny jeans, a green day t-shirt and a leather jacket. When I tried to say hi my voice got caught in my throat and I just smiled, he looked amazing.

"Hi."

"You look good." I stutter out, Jack still takes my breath away.

"You ready?"

"No." I admit jumping down, I grab my jumper off the kitchen side.

"You won't want that it's too hot." Jack motioned towards my jumper, "You already have a bandage on I would skip out on wearing it if I was you."

"You're wearing a black leather jacket and a black beanie so it can't be that bad."

"I'm sweating under all this so yeah it is that bad. I think I got heat stroke." Jack started fanning himself with his hand, "But I'm not going to take it off."

"Why not?" I understand wearing long sleeves in the summer to avoid questions but Jack didn't have anything to hide, "You're going to overheat and die."

"I look good." Jack shrugged and I had to agree, he did look good, he looked amazing, even though I agreed he looked really good I don't understand why he would suffer to look hot when he does anyway, "You'd have peal this jacket off my rotting sweaty corpse because I'm not taking it off."

"One, I'm pretty sure you turn cold when you're dead and two, least take off the beanie." I ask him but he just shook his head, "Fine I'm not eating lunch then."

"Jack." Alex looked at me and crossed his arms, I know he was trying to talk some sense into me without saying words but I want what's best for him and thats taking off the beanie and jacket, "It's going to be cooler inside."

"Take it off."

"I will if it gets two hot." Jack walked across the kitchen and wrapped his arms around me before kissing my forehead, "Go get some clean clothes on so we can go."

"Only if you take the beanie off." I bargain, Alex just sighs and takes it off revealing his messy hair, it don't look like he brushed it at all today, that's probably why the grey beanie rests upon his head, "I love you."

"I love you too."

Authors note

Sorry it's been so long since I updated but I just haven't been able to. I got kicked out of my parents, I'm living in the ymca, I'm not sleeping, I'm hardly eating, I have no internet, GCSEs are coming up and I'm depressed. I'm just not in a good place at the moment, I attempted suicide, my self harm has been kinda bad, I've been abusing drugs and alcohol, I lost 90% of my friends and I have no WiFi. Also England lost in the semis of the World Cup.

Now the positive news. I broke up with my girlfriend but now I have an amazing boyfriend who I love and we will have been together three months on the 20th. I saw roam in concert Tuesday and I'm seeing them Friday (tomorrow as of writing not sure about posting) thanks to wolf culture who got me and my boyfriend guest list. We are also seeing them next Friday. I got super drunk at London pride and I'm trying to scam sugar daddies on twitter.

Now I'm sorry for the long authors note and I'm not sure when I'm going to be updating next. I know this chapter sucks but I had to get something out and I promise I won't rush the next one even if it takes a while. I always said I would finish something I start and I want to finish this even if it takes me till Christmas. Also I know the chapter don't  have the best name but I couldn't think of better lyrics.

Hugs, kisses and peace