Lies took the elevator.
Truth took the stairs.
Both arrived and met Revelation.
Jane killed a family in a car accident. Depressive and accustomed to self-harm, she decides to go back to where her life toppled upside down. Jane doesn't know what to e...
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It's one of those days, but every day one of them.
A day where I wake up with dried tears on my cheeks, next to a girl I don't know, usually in her apartment.
It's one of those times where I wish to forget their absence and the fact I stand alone in this world. A moment where I want my remains to be in an urn beside them.
보고 싶어[I miss you]
Is there an instant to stop mourning or at least a minute when the pain stops?
I spend every hour, every minute, and every fraction of a second of every day in remembrance of them. I'm obsessed and addicted to suffering; it's what murders and keeps me alive.
When I think of how they must have suffered, I want to die.
Can you imagine burning alive or waking up to the sight and the heat of scorching flames?
When those images float to the surface of my mind, I hyperventilate; I experience a panic attack though I wasn't there, and I don't have the trauma.
"Are you awake?" She whispers with the smell of Soju [Korean liquor] still strong, leaking Rimmel and smothered lipstick; she is hot like any inflatable Gangnam bae. Still, she isn't enough to keep me wrapped under her covers. No sex or other vice can hold me down.
"I'm leaving."
Before she can react, I sit up, slick my hair back, snatch my trunks, and pick up my scattered clothes. Her blank stare follows me as I put on my jeans and stretch my t-shirt to slip my head inside.
"Hey, you can't just go like this, I meanー."
There are things I don't get. This woman was playing it all professional femme fatale yesterday. I thought she accepted the deal; I guess I was mistaken. I'm always wrong; reading those damn signs and between the lines isn't my prerogative because I give no 개똥 [gaé toung=dog poop] about them.
It's all about sex.
Sex is a substitute like caffeine and tobacco; it doesn't numb the pain, but during those couple of minutes, my mind goes blank, and that's what I relish. Other daily drugs don't procure such a moment, and I find pills and alcohol distasteful as a former sports professional. So I have sex a lot. One can call me a whore or anything else I don't care about. The label doesn't bother me one bit.
I don't have a reputation or anything else to protect. Without a family, you're worthless. Korean society doesn't recognize the existence of an individual. We live and thrive through life via a family unit. And please, may this unit have both parents alive, no chronic or mental illness to note, financial assets, clean criminal records, and above all, a good education. Eh, as you can see, there aren't many boxes I can tick on that checklist. Thus I'm no one. Just another flea destined to perish unnoticed.
