UGLY LITTLE PHOBIAS

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I don't drive

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I don't drive.

I don't smoke.

I don't drink.

I don't do drugs.

I don't eat meat.

There are many prohibited signs in my life now, whereas before, everything had a green light on it. The cringy stuff doesn't end there, I'm scared of crowded places, and Seoul growls with people. I feel dizzy, I'm standing on the tracks waiting for the metro, but still, I see him on the other side.

Why is it so hot? Maybe it isn't, but my t-shirt is already clinging to my skin.

We have a driver; I could have taken the air-conditioned car, but no matter who is at the steering wheel, I panic, perspire, my breath halts, and I begin to suffocate. Then the fidgeting starts, followed by a desperate attempt to open the doors as I did in Brad's car while I heave as though I'm having an asthma attack.

The same type of panic attacks occur in crowded places, but he's staring straight at me as he did in the ambulance. My savior, and somehow I'm okay, despite the heat and the people.

My guardian angel, yeah, I left him the title even though he isn't as sweet and as gentle as I imagine an angel to be. 

He is very tall, 1.85-1.90cm, unlike the myths, some Korean are very tall, and he's one of the exceptions. He could be a model; he probably is.

Why did he want to kill himself?

No one believed me though I tried hard to explain to them I only jumped in the water because he tried to commit suicide. 

The doctor said he was fooling around, and for an instant, I thought my understanding of the Korean language had sharply diminished; I didn't see The Running Man Tv crew. You've got to live the shit to know what's fake and what isn't when it comes to suicide. And this guy standing across from me didn't hesitate a second; he wanted to end it.

I don't know what he was playing at, but now the man who I wanted to save but who ended up rescuing me is glaring at me from the other side of the tracks.

Oh, my goodness, he is really standing on the other trackside.

Perhaps I'm hallucinating, but my eyes aren't complaining. He's wearing a grey suit and a white shirt from the straps on his shoulders. I guess he has a stylish backpack on like a perfect intern. 

Does he recognize me? I don't have time to ponder; I'm tilting, no, I'm falling.

What's happening? 

My eyes open to a dozen faces staring at me; I see my guardian angel amongst the crowd and then blackout.

When I wake up, I feel like I'm in a reboot of my worst nightmare; as Rebecca approaches to touch my forehead, I scream and try to yank out the drip.

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