Generator

Regain

L.A, 2008

Years ago, may marked the time of my life. One thing leads to another, I lose my friend and there's no way I can forget that. But what I remember most, is one person that never really be a part of my open life. She was there, but no one even knew. I'm sure it's been a long time now, I didn't see her for years. All I can do to having her with me is inside my memories. Everytime I close my eyes, she's there. Waiting for me to pour my heart out.

Seattle, 1994

The smell of smoke on my tux doesn't even disappear just yet. They can't even tell for sure about what's going on. A part of me just won't believe it. I knows how messy Kurt's mind is, he talked bout death more than once. But never crossed my mind that he would actually did it this way. The worst one. Although we had argument the last time we spoke to each other, but I never really hate this one friend of mine.

After the last goodbye, I go home with a hope that I can get at least a rest. Though Jennifer is there with me, she can't really wash my pain away. I mean, It's quite a year where I got all emotional stuff together. Not to mention how I met Jennifer, it was beautiful. But not even that memories could cheering me a little bit. I lost in my mind once again, laying down on my back and eyes on the ceiling. What should I do now? Ended it all?

"Dave, please go to sleep. It's been hard for you, but you still need to let it go." I don't know if she just wakes up and see me or she really just doesn't sleep yet.
"Just give me more minutes Jen. Just more..."
"Dave. Come on." She looks at me with serious manner, I can't argue that and just listen to her. "Umm, Jen. Do you think it's a good idea to go to mountain? Soon?"
"I don't know Dave. Can we talk about it later? I'm out of energy Dave. Okay?"
"Right. Sorry." I don't know why I came up with this idea, I just think that maybe all I need is seeing a scene after all. Besides because I don't feel the will to play any music in a short period, I always love to bring myself closer to nature. It's relaxing. There's something odd about it, like when I'm in an open scene, times goes really slow and I can feel anything around me.

I'm planning to go there with her, at first. But soon as I'm thinking about it, I do feel the need to go alone. Think it's a good time to recall things and else. Also, seems like she doesn't like the idea of me go to mountain, it would be ridiculous to pursue her to go there with me. I'm biting my lip just to imagine how it would be beautiful to see some trees or rivers. Not to go to a full recreation site, just a simple scene.

The next morning, I wake up with a smell of rain outside my room. I don't know what's that for in this kind of day. Just, so weird. Like mother nature take a chance to say something to me. In a weird way possible. As I remember, last night I slept next to Jen and this early morning she's not here with me. "Jen?" I get up on my feet and find her in the middle of her routine, preparing her gears. She's a photographer. "Yes Dave? How's sleep?"
"Unexpectedly, pretty nice." I go to her and landed a kiss on her cheeks. "You got time today? About what I said last night..."
"I got a job, Dave." She looks at me, like she doesn't remember my words yesterday. "I was umm... Planning to go to mountain with you but, seems like you has no time."
"I'm sorry Dave, but I can't. Also, look outside now. It's raining." She's right, it's raining. Not a really good time to go hiking. I know how weird it sounds, but I really need to go like today. Not the other day. "But if I go alone, would you mind?" I can see how irritated her face is. She must be thinking I'm joking. "I don't know. Do whatever you want Dave. I can't stop you either."

So here I am, preparing my bag for my sudden trip. There's so much I can expect from Mount Si, and I can't wait to get there. And because it's so much rain outside, I bring more stuff that I probably need. Raincoat and others. Soon after I get things ready, I jump into my car and take a map with me. There's a possibility I will get lost in this rain. But yeah, maybe a little bit lost isn't bad after all.