Generator

The Foo

Seattle, 1994

After some times convincing myself, I know I can write music by my own. I don't have much material for now rather than my pocketwatch and stuff I wrote at the time I was in Nirvana. Even though I had fans through Nirvana, I know I'm not ready to release any sound under my name, just yet. And yet I need opinions before go into recording in October. But I know one person that might be trusted to be a listener. Aubrey is probably the first person that asked me to sing for her directly, so she will be the one to get to hear these materials. I get my demo tape and bring it with me. Although I never see her in months after that encounter, I hope she doesn't mind if I ask for help again. I don't get the chance to return the favor of her last help too. You know, about my leg. I swear I will send a gift as soon as I have the chance.

The road is still the same, but it feels different in the air. Maybe because it's sunny outside and inside. I mean, last time I was here, I was grieving and plus a heavy rain too. I know this is going to be a good day to make a music. After left my car, I take a walk into the woods again, trying to remember the track and there I find the forbidden sign. It means that I need to take that path. You know what's funny? I see the exact spot where I fell down and nearly ruined my leg. That fucking spot. I laugh as I see it. Not that far, I see the house of hers. The one among the trees. I really hope she's home and then knock her door carefully. "Hi! Aubrey? It's me Dave. You're home?"
"Wait there!" You can tell she's there so I think I'm good. I can't wait to show her my materials.

"Hey. Come in." Finally she open the door and welcoming me like she knows I'm gonna be here. She's smiling and I swear that's so sweet. "You wanna come in or what?" She waves her palm in front of my face and I realized that I stare at her quite a while. Once again I embarrassed myself. "Oh, right. Sorry." Just after I take off my shoes, she let me sit on her couch once again. "Damn, smells so good. What's that?"
"Coffee."
"I know, but I never find coffee that smells so good like this." I gasp, I don't lie about that. It is that good. Since I love coffee so much, I know lot of coffee from the fancy to the cheap. This is definitely not a fancy coffee, but not the cheap one either. "I made it from roasting and else. My dad loved it." There she smiles again and pour a cup for me. "So, why you come here? I see your leg is okay and..."
"What? You expect I'm really that stupid to fall on the same spot? No way." She laughs at my response and so do I. "I'm here to ask for your help. Again.”
"What can I do?"
"How about listening to my music?" She might be thinking that I'm a nut or something, but long enough after my question, I can see that she's really into it. She's clearly willing to help. "Sure. Let me hear it."
"You have a tape player?"
"Of course. There." There's a small player that looked old but I can tell that she uses it a lot. I put my tape and just let the music flow.

Some tracks has passed and she doesn't say anything, it makes me anxious. And when it hit Friend of A Friend, I see her jumps a little.

"You're gonna release this?" Se got really excited and I feel bad to break that feeling. "Umm, no I'm not. I don't think I'm gonna do that." I stop a little, maybe she's disappointed, but then she just continue smiling. "Okay. That's fine. I wanna hear other stuff." She jumps between tracks and after she finishes, she ask for more. "You bring another tape?"
"Umm, yeah but it's a demo and it's..." I don't even finish and she just grab the tape from my hand. "You talk to much."

The reason why I kinda scared to play this tape is because there are some tracks that I wrote at my time in Nirvana. Tracks that Kurt once heard and it just feels weird to wait for another response from another person aboutthose tracks.

"

I love this one. And the one before it." She referred to Alone + Easy Target and Exhausted. "Really? You think they're good?" I kinda surprised that she picked these two since Kurt also liked them. "Yeah, love them. But I think they need some fixing." Looks like she's thinking about something because she lay her head to the wall and close her eyes. "Like what?"
"Ssssh. Shut up, I'm thinking." I started to hear a hum from beat to melody. "Stop, right there. Can I record that?"
"What?"
"That humming. Can I record that? I found some nice beats out of it."
"Sure." She continues while I record it on my pocket recorder. I honestly optimistic about this album. I know it's gonna be good.

L.A, 2008

It was so stupid because I didn't ended up using those beats from her recording into my final results. If I have to say, those tracks are good enough, but with additional beats from her, they might be super good. But well, it happened already. People know that version and I don't think I will make alternate version soon. Not sure if people are gonna like it.

Also one thing that I wish I did, I should've payed back a favor for her help. Not only once, but twice. For my leg and for listening to my earlier solo material.