The Universe Put us Together For a Reason

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Lance found it nearly impossible to sleep that night, his brain was distracted. To full of what if’s and what about. Lance wanted to trust his friends and he did with every fiber in his body but something was telling him that not everything would be perfect.

Everything is going to be okay, nothing will go wrong. I need to have faith in my friends, everything will be okay. But would it? Lance couldn’t be sure, he wasn’t no prophet, he couldn't tell the future.

Lance groaned as he rolled off his bed, his feet catching him before he fell on the floor completely. He slumped down on his knees and faced his bed, resting his elbows on his bed, lowing his head.

How long ago was it since he prayed? He couldn’t recall, since he met Keith? No he prayed after that, since the kiss? Yeah, Lance stopped after that, he didn’t know why either. He was still religious, but was he really? He liked to call himself religious and devoted to God but was that just for comfort? Or did he actually still believed in God?

Lance shook the thoughts out of his head, he knew what he was. He was still religious, he was still Catholic, he still believed in God, he just wasn’t that devoted anymore. He loved the idea of religion, he just despised the hatred that came with it. I wasn't made to hate, I don’t want to hate.

Lance intertwined his fingers and leaned his forehead against them, clearing his head with a few deep breaths. Dear God or whoever is listening right now, sorry I haven't been around much, life has been a bit difficult for me at the moment. But I’m sure you already know that. Lance paused, feeling his throat tighten slightly. I’m sorry I pushed you aside and I haven’t been following you exactly but I need help now. I need it desperately. His throat felt like someone was choking him and his eyes started to burn.  I don’t know what to do anymore. I love Keith, I’m completely infatuated with him but I know that I can’t love him. So why did you make me love him? Why did you put me with him? Lance stopped again, the tears finally falling from his eyes, streaking his face with hotness. I don’t understand! People say that you don’t want boys to be with boys and girls to be with girls and yet you pair us up together and make us fall in love with things we can’t have! Anger started to consume Lance and he felt his arms shake slightly. I thought when Camillia got her soulmate she was doing right by ignoring her and when she snapped and went with her I hated her. I hated her for being weak, I hated her for disobeying what you wanted! I hated my sister because I thought you wanted me too but do you? If you hated gays and lesbians so much then why do you pair us up with the same gender? Is this some kind of sick game to you? Lance wiped his eyes, new tears immediately replacing the old ones. Do you like watching people be at war with themselves as they attempt to figure out what they want? Do you like watching them destroy themselves from the inside out, never being at peace with themselves? Lance lifted up his head, taking in a few deep breaths, striving to collect himself. I wish you could answer me, but you never had. I’ve had that amazing story where you spoke to me, you’ve always ignored me but I’ve blindly followed you without question. But now, Lance took another deep breath, but now I need you to tell me what to do. I need you to tell me to go with Keith or stay with my family? I just want a straight answer not a maze. He paused again, please, just help me.

Lance broke down crying and curled into a ball on the floor. Why is this so hard? Why did this have to be my problem? He broke into a full on sob, hoping nobody would wake up to check on him and he simply rolled back in forth on the floor. None of his questions receiving any answers.