A Big Girl's Thug

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Jayceon's POV
I've had the kids for the past two days and it's so hard to watch all three of them at the same time. Especially when one of them hates you and wants to stay as far away from you as they can. The only one who's always up under me is Ava, my little princess. Jayvion is still a bit standoffish towards me but he's making progress day by day. But I don't see that being the case with JJ because he's really stubborn, which he gets from me, and he seems to really not like me for another reason besides me not being there for him.

I just put Ava and Jayvion in my bed to let them sleep when I decided to go and have a chat with JJ. I mentally prepared myself because I know that this conversation is about to be a battle in itself.

I walked into my game room and seen him playing Fortnight. I went and sat on side of him, "Can you pause the game for a minute?"

He ignored me and continued to play the game.

"JJ pause the game right now." I demanded. He still ignored me. I got up and pulled the PS4 plug out the wall before marching back over to him and grabbing his arm making him stand up.

"Jayceon I know yo lil ass heard me speakin' nigga." I yelled.

"I don't want to talk to you so leave me alone." He yelled back.

"You in my fuckin' house so you gone obey by my rules. Now sit yo lil ass down." I told him. He stared me down which pissed me off more.

"Sit yo scrawny ass down NOW!" I yelled in his face and he sat down quickly.

I breathed deeply, "Look I don't like yellin' at you but you got me fucked up if you think you gone be yellin' back at me like you my daddy. Nigga I'm your daddy not the other way around. I know I wasn't around and that obviously has you feelin' a certain way, as it should, but I'm here now and you not even givin' me the chance to be a father to you. Tell me why you don't like me. Let's lay it out on the table and be done with it. Tell me I'm not gone get mad."

He remained quite and stared off into space. I sigh and got up about to walk out. I don't know what it's going to take for me to repair my relationship with my son. As I was walking out the door I heard his voice.

"Ever since I was lil I've always seen my mom cry lookin' at pictures of you. She would cry at night when she thinks no one's up but I'm always up late so I hear her alot cryin' for you, askin' God to send you back to her and us. Sometimes it got so bad that we had to go to Aunt Mia's house and spend a few days because mom didn't have the energy to get out of bed. Grandpa Tony said that a man is supposed to make his woman smile and not shed any tears. Yet here my momma was cryin' over you every night. When I figured out that she was cryin' 'cause of you I started to feel this dislike towards you 'cause you were the reason that my momma was cryin'. I remember the first time I realized that I didn't like you. It was when I was in school and it was career day and mom came with me. While we were there I noticed a bunch of kids from my class that were there with their dads. A bunch of kids asked me why I brought my mom instead of my dad and I didn't know what to tell them. I was angry that you weren't there for me when I needed you. But not only for me but for Ava, Jayvion, and mom. We all needed you and you weren't there. I even asked God to bring my pops back to me and you never came. You never came." He stopped speaking 'cause he broke down cryin'. I ran over to him and sat on side of him before bringin' his head into my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and leaned my head against his back.

I felt tears stream down my face as I repeatedly told him I'm sorry. I named every event that I missed that I thought was important as I rocked us back and forth. JJ cried himself to sleep and I picked him up and carried him to his room before I went to my room and hopped into bed. I had 'what ifs' runnin' through my head as I thought about how our lives would be if I stayed instead of leavin' them here.