Dream, my little mate

Chapter:22

Where do I go from here?

I had no clue before and I sure as hell don't have one now. A few weeks had past since that moment and everyday since then I've wanted to run back to Akai and jump straight into his arms, but then reality would come back and I knew I didn't want that. Actually, I probably did need that, but that constant nagging voice in my head stopped me every time.

When I came running back home, I was a mess. Everybody had thought he had done something to me, but it was me who was ruining myself. Everybody was still furious at him and wanted to march up to his pack and fight, but I immediately stopped them. I didn't want to cause him anymore problems than I already have. He didn't deserve that no matter how much I despised mates.

So I've just been dealing with my demons myself. Everyone kept asking if I was okay and I would just smile and say yes. They didn't know the turmoil I was putting myself through. They didn't know how my dad had scarred me when I was a child and how that made me never want to feel again. I did this to myself, I caused all this to happen and that's the revelation that hurt me the most.

"Do you think you'll be up for training tomorrow?" The Alpha asked. I looked up from my plate that I hadn't been eating, but just pushing around all the food.

"Uh- I don't know. I'm still feeling emotionally and physically weak... maybe next week." The alpha simply nodded his head, then went back to eating his dinner.

As soon as I stepped through those doors, I felt so out of place. Lily and her mate had came back and of course she was expecting their first child, so everything and everybody was focused on her. Wren and Kylie were trying to have a baby before he officially became alpha, so there would be a heir. Then there was me; the sad, worthless, mateless girl. I saw the pity in everyone's eyes as I walked past them, so I just stayed in my room so I wouldn't have to deal with all the stares and judgement.

I was quickly deteriorating and there was no one to stop me. I had given up a long time ago and it was finally catching up to me. It was my punishment from my mother for almost going against our promise. I had no one left, so I had to do everything I could to keep her, but that was becoming harder and harder everyday.

"You need to eat or you'll be all skin and bones. We don't need a malnourished Oreo." Wren pulled my plate closer to me, but I refused to eat it. It felt like my stomach couldn't hold anything, but the guilt from all of the things I've done.

"Wren, I'm fine. I had a burger and fries earlier... I'm not hungry." I lied to him, but I just wanted him off my case.

"But-" he started, but was interrupted by the sound of my chair sliding back.

"Goodnight, guys." I smiled a weak smile, then I slowly walked up to my room, which have recently been the only place I found comfort.

***********

I now laid in my bed. The curtains were closed, the light were off, and there was just me. This is the time that drove me crazy the most, but I still chose to spend most of my days in here. I would just lay in the dark and think about everything... mainly Akai. It was constantly on my mind, but if I couldn't have him in real life, then I'm fine with having him stored in my head.

I would think about what we would be doing if I had stayed. We probably would have been mated and marked by then... we would have been happy. I could just imagine the smile on both our faces as we ran through the woods together.

With him on my mind and a small piece of happiness seeping into my body I fall asleep. I fell into that familiar infinite darkness that everyone was so used to.